Alert regular Timmy offers:
My father was in the Air Force (he was a B-52 navigator for Strategic Air Command). A few years ago I showed him the clip from SCCTM from Cinematic Titanic that had the B-52 in it. He laugh at that clip. For those who haven’t see the movie, Trace says, “the mighty B-52, backbone of the Strategic Air Command, it bully full of atomic death, keeping America safe and the rest of the world scared s**tless.” With that in mind, what is your favorite military related humor of MST3K, (including Rifftrax and Cinematic Titanic). Mine is when Crow does anything from “Patton.”
One of my favorites is “Stock footage is hell.”
What’s your pick?
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“We’re not afraid of big ol’ bugs. Army guys like gentle hugs!” and “Alright men, Private Reese is feeling vulnerable today so it’s up to us to cheer him up!” is the first thing that comes to mind with military related MST3K humor. Of course this is from The Beginning of the End.
Tom’s riff in The Creeping Terror
“We’re the Special Unit! Hello!”
“This is a bug hunt, man! A bug hunt!”
“I realized at that time that I was born of two fathers: Elias and Megaweapon.”
“So they sent the troops to the Gulf War with garden shovels and grass rollers?” From Hobgoblins.
My favorite one comes from Beginning of the End again and is simply “One weekend a month my ASS!”
“Rommel! You magnificent bastard, I read your book.”
The entire ‘landing’ sequence from “Red Zone Cuba.”
“Can you imagine being Castro and seeing that awesome force coming at you?”
“Sure, they got the bunny cliff.”
“Sadly, he was only looking for sand dollars.”
The Deadly Mantis – “Don’t ask, don’t tell, but have a DARN good time!”
Crow’s Civil War documentary in The Thing that Couldn’t Die. Ironically, it’s better than some of the stuff you see on the History Channel.
Crow as the drill sergeant at the beginning of Alien From L.A. always kills me. “You toilet-water-guzzlin’ little momma’s boys!”
“This is my robot. There are many like it but this one is mine!”
And then, of course, when Mike turns into Private Pyle.
I love it every time in a Gamera movie for instance when the guys go, “Toy boat. Toy boat. Toy boat…” It seems that some of those toy boats were models of Navy vessels.
Another from 517 – As the army searches the woods, Crow asks, “Shouldn’t they all be different ethnic types?”
When Critter decides to leave the wandering hippie life and show up for the draft in “Girl in Gold Boots”: Ah, so he learned he enjoys violence and he’s ready to kill like a man oughta!
I’ll make a stretch here, since my favorite one is taken (#6) and say it’s when Servo is dressed up a Canadian Mountie (RCMP) for the hilarious “Canada Song” (The Final Sacrifice).
Oh man, so many come to mind… as a reservist myself, the “one weekend a month, my ass!” riff from Beginning of the End always cracks me up
.. also Crow’s perfect drill instructor delivery of “Outstanding!” in Alien from LA.
Deadly Mantis: “Coffee, Colonel?” “Head injury, Corporal?”
Starfighters: “is your face odd or misshapen? Join the Air Force!” Actually all the jokes at the Air Force’s expense in that one are great…
Angel’s Revenge: (as super girly commando sets out on her “dangerous mission”) “Yeah, Semper Fi, Marine!”
Another one from Beginning of the End:
“Hey, General, where you going?”
“I’m going to Decatur! I’m gonna shoot that paper-hanging son of a bitch!”
Many times: “Saigon… I’m still in Saigon…”
Where Crow and Tom drive a tank to Mike and have him put
the hamburger sammich and fries on the tank, and then
drive off to beat Monty to Messina.
Servo : “Highway to the cheap stock footage”. (Deadly Mantis)
Or there’s Joel doing “Patton” in “Earth vs. the Spider”:
“Oh, hey, neat, I just put my foot into a pile of goo that was once your dad’s face. Now I know what to do.”
In Phantom Planet, when Frank Chapman says he’ll try anything once, and the colonel says, “Glad to hear you say that soldier”.
Also that saying “Toy boat, toy boat…” is a tongue-twister exercise (although not as hard as “Bakery bread”), which is why Chevy Chase used to use it as a catchphrase gag whenever he blew a line on the old SNL Weekend Update.
On the topic, how about the ape army in Time of the Apes: “Troops…Fliiinngg crap!”
@ #19: It was Joel, since it occurred in I Accuse My Parents.
Terror from the Year 5000 “I can’t hear you, maggot!”
Crow T Robot delivering Patton’s famous address as Timothy Van Patten in “Master Ninja Ii.”
The United Servo Academy Men’s Chorus in “Starfighters”
For a more ancient history angle:
“Run, Ruth, Run!!”
Servo: “Brilliant strategy, thanks Napoleon.” (This Jsland Earth
“Sorry, I was back in Da’Nang for a minute, there.”
@#27 Yes!!! From 616 – The “Are You Ready for Marriage?” short! One of the BEST RIFFS EVER! Mike, Trace and Kevin are dead on in a perfect example of what the show was. Great call!
From “Hobgoblins” Amy, Daphne, Kyle and Nick are trying to keep the hobgoblins inside the house. Nick then runs to his van.
Crow: “Oh, Nick’s in the French army.
How about this from “Teenage Caveman”:
“we are all Neaderthal, we are all Neanderthal, we are gonna have a ball, we are gonna have a ball”
Mike: “I think the U.S. should get out of this movie!” (Starfighters)
Pre-sennnnnnt… TONGUE!!
“Ya save the coupons, dogface?”
“Sure! How do ya think I got this neat war?”
—The Amazing Colossal Man
Poopy suit leads to Kevin singing,”Pushing your crayon in your rayon”
“…so, by their own admission, fighter pilots are a bunch of heavy-drinking, dull-witted speed freaks who poop in their pants and can’t make it with women!”
–Tom Servo, The Starfighters
My favorite is when they do Frank Sutton as Sgt. Carter from “Gomer Pyle U.S.M.C.”
“PYLE!!”
“Enjoy the Vietnam War, weeknights after ‘Laugh-In’!”
–Tom Servo, The Starfighters
“Ted, you take Havana” (Red Zone Cuba, obviously)
Two words: Hitler Building
Which is why it works so great as a riff! I’m actually surprised the guys could say it so well too. I can’t, but I’ve never had any problem with Peter Piper for some reason. But now we’re way off topic… :-P
In “Johnny at the Fair” short from The Rebel Set: “Visions of the Mekong Delta…” (sorry, I don’t remember the exact wording!).
Another great one, from “A Day at the Fair” as Johnny explores the jet plane:
Narrator: Wonder what it would be like to fly it…
Mike: …over Cambodia, secretly maintaining plausible deniability!
In Horror of Party Beach when the biker gang shows up wearing berets. (French accent) But it made sense to surrender. The Germans were very very mean.
From the episode ‘Master Ninja’, when Joel read a letter from the officers of the USS Missouri. They thanked him for providing much needed comedy relief during Operation Desert Storm and offered to help Joel and the Bots with any tech support they could use.
In Hobgoblins, the guy Nick starts hallucinating he’s in a war zone. and starts throwing grenades everywhere ands blowing the night club up….
Servo: “So the military just HANDS OUT GRENADES?”
From Master Ninja: “Now Tim’s having a Nam flashback.”
From a marriage short: “Marines we are leaving!”, as a young lady spaces out.
“Charlie was close…I could feel it.”
They say it several times over the years, but my favorite instance is in Jack Frost because it’s such a nice juxtaposition to have the terminally enchanting Nastenka say it.
It is our duty tooooo DEBREIF YOU!!!
The Wisconsin National Guard on what looks like an emergency medical delivery to Gleason, “Here’s them organs!”
My sister and I were just reciting that one today. My (Vietnam-vet) dad asked where we’d heard that, and when we told him, he laughed his butt off.