I think my favorite riffs are the ones that sum up the entire movie. They don’t necessarily relate to a specific scene or line of dialogue, but rather how the writers feel about the movie in general. For example: Red Zone Cuba – “I want to hurt this movie, but I can never hurt it the way it hurt me.”
I’m to expand this a little to include instances where the riffers address the movie directly.
Such as one of my favorites, from “Time Chasers,” No, this can’t be the hero of the film, can it? Movie? Movie! Can I see your supervisor, movie? This will NOT stand!”
What’s your favorite?
) to help our users cope with "trolls" and other commenters whom they find annoying. Go to our
“Every frame of this movie looks like someone’s last known photo.”
I think if was Gunslinger where Tom said “That was a turd.”
From the infamous “Hamlet” episode.
Crow: “This place could use a plant….. hell, A STICK would liven things up!”
this movie’s all ropes and asses!
why are we watching this dull mountain climbing…? JOEL: Because it’s there! :D
Tom, to Wild Wild World of Batwoman: “END! ENNNNNDDDD!!!”
Angels’ Revenge: “This movie is offensive to single-celled organisms.”
Gunslinger: “This movie is just sitting on my head and crushing it…”
Also Space Mutiny, although I’m not sure if this counts: “Passed from editor to editor in a desperate attempt to save it!”
I think this bit from Prince of Space sums it up rather nicely:
Crow: “And a proud, noble civilization dies out…sometimes. However, this loser civilization will not be missed!”
I second the one from Batwoman.
Revenge of the Creature: Something like:
“The Mengele School of Icthyology” (During one of the
interminable torturing of the Creature). Actually the whole
movie is really 50s mentality in its unconcern with using,
manipulating, torturing, and anthropomorphizing of animals—
dolphins, chimpanzees, the Creature. The Creaure is obviously
intelligent but is taken from its habitat, chained, tortured,
rather sadistically played with by a frighteningly amoral John
Hagar. The Dolphins should have left the planet, perhaps leaving
a thank you note for the fish. Ahhh, Hagarites will get there’s if
someone ever decides to build an interstellar bypass in the neighborhood.
Eegah: Tom: I just want to jump in and slap this movie silly!
As the end credits to “Hamlet” roll, Mike, in a sarcastic tone, says “Nice play Shakespeare”.
Eegah: Tom says “Joel, I wanna slap this movie so hard.”
Reversing the access code on ODATMB: “You know, if this
works, I’m gonna spank you, movie!”
Tom “We’ve got a dark space and flashlights, let’s make a movie!”
:-? :-D :-( :-)) :giggle:
In “Time Chasers”, when the main character contemplates deleting the computer code:
Mike: “Delete copies of film? Yes. Delete memory of film from mankind’s consciousness? Yes.”
Crow: “Well he retains the knowledge; he should kill HIMSELF.”
Tom: “Yes.”
From “The Starfighters”:
“So basically, according to themselves, the Air Force is a bunch of leather-faced, not so bright and heavy-drinking, goat-witted speed freaks who poop in their pants and can’t make it with women, right?”
“This movie HATES us!”–Crow, Giant Spider Invasion.
Manos: The Hands of Fate:
Crow: “Crew!? They had a crew? I do NOT believe they had a crew!”
13: TurkeyVolumeGuessingGal, you got the Eegah quote right, I messed it up! Ooopsies!
In Volume XXXIII news, Daniel Griffith, of Ballyhoo, posted on March 25 a photo of some stairs, around which are posters of Roger Corman films. His caption is:
“Day one in LA working on a ‘top secret’ feature-length documentary… and a few MST goodies. I must say, I have been waiting to climb these stairs for many years (maybe as far back as my childhood). What an extraordinary man…”
Looks like we’re going to be getting the Arkoff movies!
“Winky, I want to punch you so hard.” 417 Crash of the Moons. (Also is a standard catchphrase around our house.)
MANOS: “Joel this is going to turn into a Snuff Film.”
You know, there are certain was to this film,” Manos
Tom’s delightful song on the stock footage used during Invasion of the Neptune Men
“the movie that takes a bold step of not including the audience.” The Giant Spider Invasion
The “snnnnnddd” in Batwoman was the best, hands down, but the “.thrilling climax” had some good singers.
Incredibly Strange Creatures:
Crow: “We hope you’ve enjoyed ‘No-Moral Theater’!”
Mike: “And the camera pulls back as if to say……’Sorry, sorry about that, folks, my fault'”
(And was it Monster a Go-Go that had the line about the entire movie shot with a security camera? I don’t want to go through the whole thing again to find out.)
Skydivers gets described as being filmed in DespairVision.
The end of Monster a Go Go is full of one-liners that sum up this wreck of a movie:
“The HELL?!?”
“C’mon, let’s call the movie on account of darkness.”
“There was no dignity for ANYONE who worked on this film.”
“This is a test. Had this been an actual movie, you would have been… entertained.”
and, most succinct:
“Oh, c’mon! LAME!!”
I can’t remember which movie it was, but I love the riff “Can we have a law that in the future films have to be made by FILM MAKERS?”
Also, from Giant Spider Invasion: “This movie hates us, doesn’t it?”
I meant flaws not was… Sorry
Two Crow riffs in “Angels’Revenge”: “This movie is a shrine to 7th grade boys.” and “Hey! They’re giving away the plot!” The latter is said when “Shine Your Love Lady” climbs up a ladder and the camera angle gives us a view of her pants fitting TIGHTLY on her butt.
Crow sums up Skydivers thus: “A stranger arrives, touches nobody’s life, then leaves.”
A few from “Beast of Yucca Flats:”
Coleman: “Shoot first, ask questions later.” Mike: “Shoot the movie first. Ask questions later.”
Coleman: “A woman’s purse. Footprints on the wasteland.” Tom: “A thin plot. Endlessly restated.”
Crow: “You know, it is more interesting when you don’t know what’s going on.”
And I always love in “Red Zone Cuba” when they cut to the shot of Coleman lying like a lumpy mattress on the basement cot and they all applaud and Mike says, “Our auteur, ladies and gentleman!”
CATCHING TROUBLE
Joel “I apologize to everyone everywhere.”
Crow “I am deeply offended.”
Although more distinctly summed up as the nightie slap-wrestling breaks out:
“Y’know, guys, I think we’re seeing the reason this movie was made…”
(And what’s worse is, they’re right:
From what we can see of Hal Warren, the Manos cult wasn’t the only one with a creepy hand-fetish.)
Right off I can only think of one of my favorite riffs in The Sky Divers. And it’s, “He’s covering the event for Crawdaddy.”
Pearl describes ‘Track Of The Moon Beast’ in the opening skit:
“It stars nobody and features nothing.”
How about when “Project Moonbase” ended, and Tom said “That was pathetic”? Let’s see, kind of forcing a man and woman to get married on the Moon so no one would get offended (my, what an old-fashioned future). Yeah, that was pathetic.
Or the final laugh of Jan in the Pan in “The Brain That Wouldn’t Die”, causing Mike to say, “Oh, I get it, it was a comedy.” followed by Tom saying “Always leave them laughing” before grumbling.
After Crow expresses disbelief that Manos had a crew, Joel remarks, “Everybody pick out somebody you wanna punch!” and Tom responds, “I don’t know where to start!”
From Eegah: “This movie should not be viewed by children or other living things.”-Crow
After a few quick jump cuts in Skydivers, Crow quips, “Someone with attention deficit disorder edited this movie!” Which could probably describe Coleman Francis movies in general.
#26, your first quote was from “Hobgoblins,” during the garden tool fight scene.
I believe that’s from ‘Future War’ if I’m not mistaken.
From Lost Continent:
Crow: “We’re back at Reel 2! Get the projectionist. Get us on Reel 4 and get us out of here!”
Hugh: “You know what a miracle is?”
Crow: “The words, THE END?”
Then, we have The Thing That Couldn’t Die:
On closing shot of the pendant resting on Jessica’s … um, attributes.
Crow: The whole movie was leading to this shot!
They said it best in Manos: “This whole movie looks like someone’s last known photo.”
From the opening credits of ‘Boggy Creek:’ “That’s Charles B. In-Over-His-Head Pierce.”
“This movie stops at nothing …and stays there!” from Beast of Yucca Flats. Really sums up any of three lame horses of the Coleman Francis troika.
Another one from MANOS: “Oh Joel, there’s a buffet of loathsomeness in this movie…”
And I think from either MONSTER A-GO-GO or WILD WORLD OF BATWOMAN: “It’s like they put a bunch of movies in a blender and pressed the ‘mix’ button!”
Tom’s song about stock footage in Invasion of the Neptune Men: “Da da da da da da DA, EAT IT MOVIE! Take this stupid little cockroach of a film, roll it up soooo tight, and ram it up…”
Overdrawn at the Memory Bank: “That was a very bad and confusing movie.”
I’m also quite partial to the “Editing by:” credit in the Cave Dwellers host segment.
Swamp Diamonds – “While these women sleep, a pasty film is being made.”
It’s not a riff, but the only words that can properly be used to describe “Attack of The The Eye Creatures” are simply… they just didn’t care.
“So according to themselves the air force are a bunch of hard drinking dull-witted speed freaks who poop in their pants and can’t make it with women?”
‘Robot vs the Aztec Mummy’, Servo: This whole movie is a sleeperhold!
Crow: This whole movie is a suppository!
‘TISCWSLABMUZ’: Not sure who said it, “At long last movie have you no shame?!”
I think it’s Mike who says it, and the line is actually “At long last movie, have you no sense of decency?”