ROMANCES IN MSTed MOVIES: A great many MSTed movies feature a romance of some sort, even if it’s sometimes awkwardly shoehorned in. Which of them strike you as being “true” romances, with a definite connection between the characters. And, conversely, which ones strike you as being just plain unbelievable and only there because the script says so?
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Weekend Discussion Thread: Best and Worst Romances in MSTed MoviesWith Valentine’s Day coming up, alert regular Kenneth has a timely suggestion:
71 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: Best and Worst Romances in MSTed Movies”Commenting at Satellite News
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Zap and Troy in Final Sacrifice really had something…
Awkward: Aram Fingol and Apollonia James, now if only he had hooked
up with someone with a real porn name, say Wanda Cannon, but no, he
would probably have got bored.
A match made in heaven: the fat guy (the Novicorp Chairman) and food.
Generally works: Cane and Rose (Beverly Garland) in Gunslinger, although the
wimpy guy and Erica relationship was “different.”
#1
Troy says: “Oh, and what’s the matter with Larry Czonka?”.
Lets look at today’s episode premiere, “The Leech Woman”. The relationship between June and her man-pig husband felt honestly dripping with hate, disgust, betrayal, and emotional abuse. Meanwhile, the engagement between Neil and Nursie felt totally forced, existing pretty much as a plot device to provide a female victim for June, whose pineal juice ends up killing The Leech Woman. And Neil, as soon as he had the chance, was ready to leave Nursie faster than a roach running from the light.
Thanks for using my question!
On the “good” side, I’d place Jim and Celia Pruitt in “Marooned” (a.k.a. “Space Travelers”). They only have one scene together (and it’s over a video link), but it’s very touching. While it looks restrained, they seem to have a real affection for each other as they say what turned out to be their last goodbye.
On the “bad” side, we unfortunately have an embarassment of “riches”. Picking just one, there’s Tony Farms and Jane Dobson in “Pumaman”. They seem to have very little chemistry, and just about the only reason she’d seem to want to hook up with him is that she’s brainwashed for a good deal of time.
And the romance between Crow and Tom following “Are You Ready for Marriage?” is just…ugh.
There was a definite connection between Buzz Turner and Mr. B Natural. No chance it could have lasted, of course, (too many differences; Buzz was too young for Mr. B, for one thing) but it was beautiful while it did.
Worst is the “romantic attraction” between Betty and the alien Derek in Teenagers from Outer Space. The guy playing Derek is no actor (at all!) and just can’t sell it.
How about Audrey Ames and Ed Wainwright from ‘ Beginning of the End ‘. All they really had together were the giant grasshoppers. Sad.
Eegah and ROxie were a cute couple..she should have stuck with him vs. Archie
Tommy Kirk and Creepy Girl from “Catalina Caper” were a cute couple (both had damsel in distress ovetures from classic lit.)
Wanda from “Alien From L.A.” and the Woody Harrelson lookalike had potential (since she took off her glasses…)
For bad romance (I’ll try to get the Lady Gaga song out of my head…)
The lead no goodnik from “Zombie Nightmare” and the Twisty Creme’ server was just horrible (thankfully, Tony spared any more purusit of the relationship with the baseball bat-kabob on him.)
For pureley patronizing reasons, the astronauts on Project: Moonbase was rancid, also…
For HOT I’ll go with Martin and Brett from The Creeping Terror. Best acting in this movie was when they were pawing each other.
For NOT liver lips Marvin and Betty in 618 – HIGH SCHOOL BIG SHOT. What a dope!
#8 (saherrin)
I agree with you re: “Project Moonbase”. When you have to be ordered to get married, and the husband is promoted over the wife for no reason other than male “superiority”, that doesn’t bode well in terms of romance.
So many to choose from in the “because the plot says so” category. I think I’ll go with Major Bill Moore and Colonel Breiteis from Project Moon Base.
As for the more believable end of the spectrum, I’ll go with Winky and the (probably) fictional contents of his Little Black Book from Manhunt in Space.
But Winky said that he’d rather ride the rocket…
The two guys in “Godzilla vs. Megalon” made an adorable couple. It was very progressive for Japan to show an adoptive gay couple in a children’s movie franchise back then. Shame about the kid’s voice, though.
As for worst… do Paul and Natalie from “Wurwilf” even count as a couple? I mean they have sex (in a scene not shown on MST3K), and they pose together as wurwilfs (or extras from “Cats”) at the end, but the chemistry was lacking. Then again I don’t think those two slabs of concrete could have on-screen chemistry with ANYONE, so…
The clones from Parts. So innocent and beautiful!
The worst? Arch Hall Jr and his guitar in Eegah!
good: Diabolik and whatever her name was.(like it matters) after all if a scrawny, psychopathic, hatchet faced euro-spaz can get companionship like her, there’s gotta be hope for the rest of us. Must get an infra-red room.
bad: Adam Chance and baby woman…’nuff said.
Good: Jimmy & Kitty in “I Accuse My Parents.” While the acting was dreadful, you really wanted to see Kitty get away from her Sugar Daddy crime boss and end up with Jimmy.
Bad: Yuri and …. Yuri in “Wahr-wilf.” He only loved himself.
Worst: Jodie & Melissa in “Touch of Satan,” a match made in Hell. Literally.
The idea of a blossoming romance between Dr. Vance and Dr. Langer in “The Giant Spider Invasion” makes me cringe.
The drill sgt. and little tart in “Terror from year 5000” Was especially disturbing to see his oily pasty dance after scoring- and, her sitting on his hand while her fiancee watched. Creepier than a peeper.
The good: Tang and Linda from “Women of the Prehistoric Planet”. They were the first humans on Earth. Grandma was hot!
The bad: Big McLargeHuge and Grandma Daughter from “Space Mutiny”.
Any romance involving Joe Don Baker- of Mitchell and Final Justice fame- is surely unbelievable. At the same time any romance involving Ortega would have been completely believable
The Worst: Dr. Z and the female scientist. And all of his victims, trying to make his perfect evil fish wife.
Even Worse: The Master and his new Child Vampire “Wife.” (EW EW EW EW WRONG)
The Best: Hamlet and his voice.
— HOT —
#301 Cave Dwellers – Ator and Mila DEFINITELY had something, but Ator’s destiny put the stops on the whole thing, which makes it even HOTTER!
#911 Devilfish – Peter and Stella was a good one. They had history and attraction but it took the trials of the Devilfish to really bring them together.
#820 Space Mutiny – Dave and Leah. These two are married in real life which you could really tell. For instance, in the hallway at the end of the movie, she picks a piece of lint off of his shirt and then smoothes it over. So cute! If I may also say so, both of them have aged very well.
— NOT —
#407 Killer Shrews – Anne and Thorne was a predictable yet odd pairing. People are dead, including Anne’s fiance and Thorne’s good friend. Their answer? Licking tonsils.
#406 Giant Leeches – Dave and Liz. Sad. Just… sad.
The relationship between Linda Evans and Mitchell only would have seemed believable if she had been wearing a Hazmat suit.
Big Stupid and the Girl in Lovers Lane. srsly.
#24> You beat me to it.
There must have been some chemistry and believability to this romance. After all not only did the SOL crew want to rewrite a happier ending but the Mads agreed!
Have to disagree with #16
Jodie & Melissa are the only two I can think of that had any chemistry between them, even though she “called” him to her.
at least she didn’t “mail anything”.
Tommy and Trumpy.
But wait! There’s more!
— HOT —
#703 Deathstalker – D-stalker and Marinda had tension between them in SPADES, but, alas, she died. So, that was the end of that.
#805 Thing that Couldn’t Die – The first time in the movie we see Gordon and Jessica meet, did the lights in your house flicker? That was the EMP created by their sexual tension. It becomes a full-fledged impenetrable force-field of desire when Gordon is the hero and we see Jessie’s naughty side.
#813 Jack Frost – Ivan and Nastya. This is about as cute as you can get without gagging. Ivan grows as a man and rescues Nastya and her father from a real bad situation, just like they rightfully deserve.
— NOT —
#608 Diamonhead – Johnny and Tso-Tsing seemed like flirts, at most. Just, nothing.
#609 Skydivers – Harry, Beth, and Joe’s little love triangle was a VERY interesting piece of the story, but the most heat was between Harry and Suzy, which was icky, because there was also Frankie. Is anyone NOT cheating here?!
#801 Revenge o/t Creature – Cleet and Helen had something, but I can’t help but feel that it was by process of elimination after Joe got killed. And then the newsman announced that they are engaged, which means they had known each other for a week, maybe, and they’re suddenly ready to share a toothbrush.
#821 Time Chasers – Nick and Lisa. Sure, they had a nice dating montage, but when they were smooching in the plane, I didn’t buy it.
#405 Being from Another Planet – Doug and Susie. There was no reason for any of THAT to happen.
#506 Eegah – Eegah and Roxy. The movie WANTED us to feel like there was something there, but I never felt like she did anything tangible to hold up her end of the “relationship”.
I truly believe in the romance between Robert Reed and June Kenney, because she was willing to constantly adjust her height for him.
Also I believe that the romance between Danny and Big Stupid (Girl from Lovers Lane) was tragically doomed because of the times in which they lived, but I’d have loved to see it blossom, after an appropriate mourning period for Carrie, of course.
While they were two of the dumbest characters in cinema history, the romance between Critter and Michelle in “Girl in Gold Boots” was kind of sweet and I would even venture to say mildly believable. They were both cute and dumb and had aspirations beyond what life had laid out for them.
The other one I would have said was mentioned above, Big Stupid and Carrie from “Girl in Lovers Lane”. Everytime I watch that one I hope somehow it will magically end differently with Carrie not being dead first and foremost (like really movie, was that necessary?!) and her and Big Stupid living happy ever after.
Well, SKYDIVERS had an embarrassment of riches in the ‘bad romance’ department. We had the Lady With The Hair and The Coffee Guy who were tormented by a secret love they could not express AT ALL… Hair Lady and her dullard husband, who seems unable to convey any emotion other than vague irritation… Dullard Husband and Femmy Fat-Alley, which boggles the mind (Seriously, she’s obsessed with THIS dolt?)… and finally Femmy and the dumb stooge boyfriend, who admittedly deserve one another…
Nothing in the “true” category is jumping out at me at the moment, but one of the least believable is surely Paper Chase Guy and Persis Khambatta from Warrior of the Lost World.
People, that was just wrong.
Worst:
#513 ‘The Brain That Wouldn’t Die’ Doctor gets his fiancee accidentally decapitated and keeps her head alive against her will.
#311 ‘It Conquered The World’ Lee Van Cleef brings evil alien to Earth and gets killed. His wife Beverly Garland tries to stop him and gets killed.
#414 ‘Tormented’ Tom Stewart ‘accidentally’ kills Vi, his ex girlfriend. She haunts him and his fiancee, ruining their wedding. Then she gets him killed and he joins her in death.
#107 ‘Robot Monster’ He wants to live like the hu-man with the female scientist. Kills her and her family.
#6: Well, the guy who played Derek was apparently gay and dating the reporter guy…
Kenny and Gamera, a true romance, tonight on “Current Affair.”
@8 – I don’t know if you’d call Tommy Kirk’s romances with both his girls (in Catalina Caper and Village of the Giants) “believable”, but at least he’s getting some–
When we first see Kirk on the couch with his girl in the opening of VotG, I keep expecting a riff of “Oh, Tommy, you shaggy dog!” ;)
The married couple in “Manos: The Hands of Fate” was pretty bad. Why didn’t he see the danger of this situation? GET OUT, Mike. “She’s my baby, she’ll understand.” I doubt it–your stupidly planned vacation would’ve given her PTSD even if you had all gotten away. And Maggie just hid in the bedroom with Debbie till she could hide no more. These two loved each other because why?
I disliked the coupling of the annoying Professor Ben Murphy and his vapid graduate student in “Being from Another Planet”. There was nothing there.
But I did like the pairing of the young ginger-haired couple in “Squirm.” I thought they were cute together. And his concern for her sister–well, his relief to see that she had escaped from the worms–was nice.
I actually wanted Vance and Jenny (Ginnie? can’t remember) to pair off in “Giant Spider Invasion”! Maybe I just like to see middle-aged undatable people find a little happiness in their lives. Plus, they could always roll down hills together to inject a little spice into their romance.
I thought the couple from “Attack of The The Eye Creatures” was believable and very cute together. However, I could not buy Jerry & Angie from “Incredibly Strange Creatures…. Hey, both movies had the word “creatures” in the title! Coincidence? I think not.
Then there’s the white hot passion between Kathy and Paul in “Track of the Moon Beast” As Tom said, “They’re both so furtive, it must be love”.
I like the nuanced relationship between Bob Evil and Pink Boy in Time Chasers…well until Bob shot him of course.
I did seriously think that the kids in Laserblast had good chemistry.
I 2nd Kathy & Paul from TOTMB, especially when you have a stud like Johnny Longbow waiting in the wings.
More Rifftrax than MST3K, but I also vote EVERY pairing in Tommy Wiseau’s “The Room.”
Bad movies, good loves…
The younger sister and the judge’s son in Untamed Youth. It was disappointing to see her end up as a “cotton-pickin’ rancher’s wife” instead of pursuing her talents, but the sense of mutual respect really makes it with those two.
I might be crazy on this one, but I also think Sister Ann and the Runaway in Future War had potential, the way they complemented each other with her scarredness and his innocence (like imagine them happening in an anime or something, I think you could do something beautiful with it).
To agree with other replies, I will admit to rooting for Michelle and Critter.
And yes, Carrie and Big Stupid; I really did want to see that one work out, and her death was a senseless thumb-jab into the viewer’s eye. (My own rewrite: Jack Elam kidnaps but doesn’t harm Carrie. The shock of her disappearance causes Drunk Dad to get Drunk, which in turn causes Danny to realize what he’s doing to his own parents and forces Big Stupid to confront his issues in order to join forces with Drunk Dad to rescue Carrie. Carrie is rescued, parents are called, This Story Is Happy End. In some universe with one less slice of hell in it…)
On the bad side…
To disagree with or perhaps amplify a previous reply, No-Goodnik and Twist-n-Creme Lady in Zombie Nightmare doesn’t even qualify. Sexual Harassment + Attempted Rape != Romance. (Best romance from that film: Punk Dude and Extra Cop’s Fist — the merest touch is enough to rock Punk Dude’s world…)
Less bad but still not even rising to the level of romance: everything involving Serafina in Girls Town, both her obsession with Paul Anka and her marriage to Christ (so to speak) at the end, which was the last thing she needed.
Also, whatever’s going on between the politician and the eponymous Kitten with a Whip; egad that movie hurts to watch because for some reason he just pi**es away every chance to disentangle himself…
And finally… Hobgoblins. ::shudder:: Watching that movie, it’s not hard to believe humans ever have sex, just hard to understand why they would want to.
What? Nobody mentioned “the scene” in The Violent Years… really? Perhaps that doesn’t even count, I suppose. But it’s the worst, in my book.
Because his character is overshadowed by an extremely unlikable doofus, I doubt most people notice that Cabot in Outlaw seems to be a generally good guy who really likes his girlfriend. He stays true to her even when she’s in another dimension, he doesn’t seem to notice the eye candy surrounding him in every scene, he refuses pleasure from the slave girl he rescues, etc. Believable? Eh. Admirable? Sure.
For worst, I’d nominate whatever was going on in Young Man’s Fancy.
Good:
Rommel and Rita in Side Hackers were pretty good.
The fat couple in Ring of Terror were perfect.
Chase and Euro girlfriend in Giant Gila Monster were pretty cute.
Daddy-O and Janet were made for each other: hard-drivin’, hard-dancin’ shallow doofuses.
Bad:
In Wild Rebels, Linda and everybody.
Vince Van Patten and any of the women in Master Ninja I and II.
But my choice for worst MST3K romance: the Hargroves from The Deadly Bees. Worse even than Jimmy Wilson’s accused parents. Crow and Mrs. H would have worked out better.
Oh man, I totally forgot about Doug and Susie from ‘Being From Another Planet’. Was it really acceptable for a college professor to date one of his students back then? I’m assuming she’s over 18, but it’s still kinda creepy.
I know I mentioned Tommy and Trumpy earlier as a bit of a joke, but what about the rest ‘Pod People’s cast? Rick and Sharon barely even like each other. “Hey, be nice to your boyfriend’s girlfriend”.
Personally I think Natalie and Rob Lowe in Soultaker might make it. They are obviously attracted to and care about each other. They’ve been through a lot together. And neither one has any reason to be threatened by the other’s intelligence.
Good topic BTW.
Oh, Mitchel and Beer had something special. They got on like Bob Marley and Pot.
The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies has two of the strangest couples; Jerry and Angela, then Estrella and Ortega (perhaps a Ménage à trois with Carmelita?).
So what makes Jerry so attractive? Oh yeah, that’s right, he takes her to place she’s never been.
I guess the sex with Estrella must have been fantastic. :)
Timmy and Gamera. Best romance ever. End of story.