If you were writing a single’s ad for yourself and wanted to attract another MST3K fan, what would you say? I remember in some older thread that one guy said he once literally wrote an ad using the “Creepy Girl” song lyrics…. and, predictably, got no replies.
I’m not single nor have any wish to be, but this is what I’d say: “SF seeks SM MST3K fan for leisurely episode-watching and Rowsdower-style drinking. Must love Joel and Mike equally. No smoking unless you are channeling Vicki from ‘The Deadly Bees.’ Don’t have to be handsome but don’t be the dog’s meat — have you seen it? — either.”
Have at it!
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Adventurous swf werewolf looking to hookup in a longterm
relationship with a hunky zombie. Preferred he is into sports, especially
baseball, eh? Being considerate to his parents (or only surviving
mother) a must. Should be able to help in kitchen. For example,
making a stew with chicken, corn, chili, chicken, green peppers, onions…
Is into long moonlit walks (or loping) and long pauses in conversation.
Exotic accent preferred but not required. Please respond at latest full moon.
SM seeking SF who likes a normal view, thinks there is beer on the sun, killed a fat barkeep, and Johnny doesn’t care about. The master must approve you prior to our meeting.
I would say: “Good looking guy looking for homicidal girl who wants to kill Ken with a forklift. Just kidding. Must not have bad voice or walk with a limp, but must be willing to take care if the house while the Master, e.g. me, is away. In other words, must be an MST3K fan who is not a zombie seeking revenge on people who ran her over.”
SM looking for SF who is attracted to a 400 pound bald man. Someone who doesn’t mind being carried around like luggage and will not be offended when he says:’Time for to go to bed.’ Hobbies include finding people in the garden and dragging them inside against their will, beating intruders savagely and petting women’s furry headgear and keeping them in my pants.
Serious inquiries only!
SWM world class essayist and top shoe salesman who also runs the place when Mr. Wilber is away. Looking for nice girl. Prefer lounge singer who’s willing to leave her crime boss boyfriend for me. I know you won’t be as great as my Mom but if you’re willing to have a guest room for her and my buddy Al once we’re married, we’ll be just fine! 555 555-1234. leave a message because I might be saving the world.
Goatman seeks potential bride to help manage charming rural B&B. Must be open-minded re: religion, personal hygiene. Cult ritual experience a plus. Apply in person at Valley Lodge, Master does not approve of phones.
SWF in training to be a nun seeks alternative. I’m happy, really happy, but Paul tells me I should get out more. Or is his name Jimmy. I sometimes can’t remember. My ideal man (besides God and Paul/Jimmy) should have as rich a fantasy life as I do. I’d love it if he could spin tales for me, and he could write them down in essay form and read them to me. I could make him so happy every day would be like his birthday. I think I could fall for him, especially if he was named Jimmy like Paul is. Right now I live in a convent but a friend told me how to sneak out and meet guys. Just don’t contact Mother Veronica.
Recently-widowed female brunette, seeking man who ‘likes coffee’.
Likes: airplanes, jumpsuits, and pomade.
Favorite food: Grey Casserole and cigarettes.
Single White Satellite of Love in his late 40s looking for deep space rendezvous. I’ve had my time of the crazy she apes and want to settle down.
You: Female with an American pioneer wagon train to the stars attitude. A basic familiarity with RPG dice theory would be nice. Liking RUSH also a plus.
A little Maureen/John role play is a given.
Let’s get down, baby!
P.S. No offense, but I only date within my (human) race. No aliens. Also, no psychos, please. What, were you raised by Lizzie Borden? Jiminy Frickin’ Cricket!
Androids/cyborgs cheerfully considered.
Woman good. Tor like woman.
If you not mind melted face from standing too close to big boom, and being whipped by doctor, maybe Tor man for you
Time for go to bed. Oops, Tor carried away.
Call Tor?
GWMST3K seeks same for all night marathons of MST3K and bad movie riffing. If you can do magic things, well that’s a plus. Don’t make me keep asking “Is that stud coming?”
Widowed Star Force captain seeks danger seeking woman for inter stellar travel. Must like whiskey and cigars.
SACM with wicked sense of humour looking for SF willing to put up with incessant whining about being sixty-feet tall. Must be willing to change (colossal) diapers. Turn-ons: being surrounded by tiny furniture and leisurely picnics in the desert. Turn-offs: giant syringes.
SM MST3K addict seeks SF MST3K addict to have our Joel Mike twins.
I want a family.
First, let me say Susan has a great ad in the description Sampo writes regarding today’s discussion topic.
My ad: “SWF looking for male who has at least one MST3K cosplay costume. Must like spending Saturday mornings watching either MST3K, Riff Trax, or Cinematic Titanic. I have all the MST3K and Cinematic Titanic episodes, so I guess, ideally, you should know how to do the Riff Trax thing where one matches up the riffs with a movie we already own. Must like traveling to places like Best Brains, Minnesota, last live Cinematic Titanic in December in Pennsylvania, and Belcourt Theatre in Nashville for live Riff Trax performances. You should also be a capper. (the right people will get it)
@porp0ise, if I wasn’t already married……….
(I have devised the ultimate MSTie personal)
ME: Single male w/ KTMA 0-3
YOU: Human being with appreciation for things that can never be.
Call me at Klondike 2268!
Ro-man looking for hu-man female. Ro-man wants to feel like the hu-man, to be like the hu-man.
Must like bubbles and long walks in the park.
No children please.
SM looking for SF to shine shine shine her love on me.
SM seeking SF to drop off a lighthouse with faulty railing (technically a railing-kill). Must enjoy turning into seaweed, torment, and returning to life as a disembodied head. Creepy girls welcome!
SM named Steve seeks SF. Please be sure to send replies to Steve, not Steve.
Single Female Nerd Seeks Single Male Nerd
Are you new to City? Want go to Cafe and get cocktail? Let’s get together and pretend we’re fighting the Cylon Empire, that’s…perfectly normal….
SWM cop seeks SF. Must be into Schlitz, porno mags, and confusing plotlines. Prostitute OK as long as I’m not paying for it. NO MARIJUANA.
SM seeks SF for life changing experience. Due to finding the formula ZaAt, must be willing to go on long swimming expeditions and aid in conquering the world. Must be willing to be turned into a fish-woman. Send inquiries to Dr. Leopold.
I believe some of these ads are not people at all, but bot programs culling our data.
I’m getting a lot of spam all of a sudden advertising ExtenZe, testosterone supplements, DeVry University, and various charm schools.
SM looking for SF (“single female” or “science fiction”) of determinate gender to b natural in my companionship. Request friends for my plane, Petey, and my vehicle, Megaweapon. The latter does not like “My Mother The Car” jokes or goofy motorcycles. No kittens with whips, please.
SM seeks SF who knows What To Do On a Date, but I am NOT cool with going on a Date With Your Family.
If we hit it off, I am open to going steady (as she goes, while flying over trout). Women who can do magic things preferred. I am somewhat conservative when it comes to physical contact on a first date, but awkward hair fondling is fine. It is not time for go to bed until we’ve really gotten to know each other. I enjoy laughing at the Family Circus, waking up in time for football practice, and practicing the ancient martial art of Hi-Keeba.
Susan, thanks so much for coming up with this topic. It was as if you read my mind. Just the other day my daughter and I were saying how neat it would if something like “Mysti-singles” existed.
(For real though, my daughter and I tend to have bizzare conversations like this regularly).
Anyway here’s my ad:
Me- SBF, a lover of fine cinematic cheese with an especailly well developed taste for MST3K, RiffTrax, Cinematic Titanic and/or any humorous commentary.
Also love animated shows like Venture Brothers, American Dad, Bob’s Burgers and Home Movies
You- Single male with a great sense of humor that is also a lover of fine cinematic cheese and also have a taste for MST3K ect, ect…
Must also have an appreciation quality animated shows.
Being in touch with your “inner geek” (like myself) is a plus.
Must have attended or wish to attend a “Con”.
If I don’t have to explain to you what a “Con” is, then I know we can talk.
Speaking of dating, any truth to the rumor that a certain rotund bot is upset
with a certain chippy flatmate who is rumored to be dating a certain affluent chairwoman of
ConGypsyCo? (On the rebound after the sad demise of Richard Basehart). Who really
watches over us all from above now.
Widowed male (with kid) seeking SF. Must have thick Bronx, NY accent, big hair, appear vampire-ish and be politically active. Must be willing to live underground and not LEAVE THE BRONX!
SWM (biker type) likes to Sidehack, fix motorcycles, wear dopey hats. Tired of quiet evenings alone in bathroom with dirty pictures on wall.
Looking for SWF (house cat or hellcat) leather/lace, baby I don’t care if you got scars on your face. Eye patches are cool too, as long as it’s only one patch, chicks with two turn me off, they also trip and bump into things a lot. Are you sack breasted and have a butt like a leather pancake?
Do you like to feel the vibration of a motorcycle at high speed? Then hop on my hog and let’s ride off into the sunset together.
@#31- also, make sure you can shake your butt all over the place.
Honorable but lonely Japanese policeman seeks honest, kind, demure lady to share my life with. Although serious about my duties I am a goofball at heart, and love to make people laugh. Interests include Kendo (regular and skeet), saying hello, and counseling the local troubled children who steal spaceships and get involved with giant monsters. I’ll be there for you when you need me. I can make you happy if you’re sad, or give you discipline if you’ve been bad. Inquire at MSTdating#: Maizeemployee256.
Kind, gentle, accommodating to a fault, SF seeks honest relationship with gentle, loving, good hearted, generous man who isn’t a mad scientist who doesn’t care when he accidentally kills my family with weaponized lemon frosting. I enjoy horseback riding, barefoot walks, and not being enslaved by hyper intelligent ants. I dislike dirty floors, hidden agendas, experimental science, bugs of all kinds, especially ants, and particularly ants with aspirations of global domination. Entomologists, insect collectors/hobbyists need not respond. All others inquire at MSTdating# Horserider296.
SWChunkhead seeks much older-looking woman to help quell mutiny on the Southern Sun. Must enjoy rolling around on mini-golf courses and attacking crotches. No laughing at the shuttlecraft, please.
Older MWM looking for Blonde Bombshell type. Are you a kitten with a whip? Or do you have a kitten with a whip?
If you want you can stay at my house ( whenever my wife’s out town) I’ll buy you clothes, we can go to Mexico.
Oh about the wife thing, I’m a politician so it’s expected I act this way.Just keep it on the down low, whatever
you do don’t tell any crazy friends you may have. If we go to Mexico think of the Jimi Hendrix version of Hey Joe
if you know what I mean.
Must be able to walk into a room like Kline.
Must like long rides in the country. Long long LONG rides along featureless country roads while bad jazz plays on the radio.
Must know ALL the places to get sodium.
And last, not least, must own at least one pair of gold boots and have them ON!
#23 Don’t forget the Baby oil.
BABY OIL, BABY OIL.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
SF seeking single hard of hearing male. Must enjoy surfing, long walks on the beach and adventures in underground Atlantis whenever my father disappears. Must also have a large supply of Dramamine as I am prone to car sickness (I did get over my fear of flying). Please send inquiries to Wanda at the roller diner.
Giant atomic turtle seeks giant radioactive monster that doesn’t try to kill me on sight for friendship and possible dating. I have several small children friends, but I would like a monster my own age to play with. Let’s destroy a few cities and see if we hit it off. MSTdating# Terrapinsoup308
Single Male violent megalomaniacal sociopath stunt motorcycle rider seeks dependent woman with no self worth who will tolerate my abuse. I enjoy littering, sexual assaults, wearing clothes that make Ray Charles eye’s hurt, and having heartfelt conversations with loved ones I’ve murdered. If you like motorcycles and hate yourself contact me at MSTdating# Iwaslikeabrothertohim313. I’m in jail right now so send me some money or some smokes.
Tunic wearing free spirited SF college student who’s getting tired of dorm life seeks attractive space traveler to take me away from here. I don’t really mind dancing languidly for hours, or the way my dozens of sisters seem to like to tie me up all the time. But lately they’ve been strapping me to a rather uncomfortable bar-b-q grill and my older sis has been teasing me about sacrificing me to a Fire God. She says she doesn’t really mean it but to be honest it’s creeping me out a little. I like, slumber parties, Isadora Duncan, and “A Stranger in Paradise”. I dislike restaurants that require shoes and/or pants, incoherent threatening burnt mimes, gas bombs and immolation (even if it is the sincerest form of flattery). I’m open to light bdsm as long as it doesn’t culminate in human sacrifice. Please inquire at MSTdating# Dontroastmejustbecauseimafiremaiden322
The funny thing is that I (very unsuccessfully) tried using the Cinematic Titantic show as a hook to get a date on OKCupid. 4 times in the last 5 years (or is it 5 out of 6?) they came out to St. Louis. Then again, maybe there aren’t any fans here. I remember our PBS station was going to show a CT movie during a pledge drive, but changed their minds because the last time they did it no one pledged.
And completely unrelated to this, apparently Kevin Murphy is going to be in an upcoming video game, the new Tex Murphy game. No actual acting (it’s a FMV game like the old ones) but doing the voice of something or other.
SM trapped in a loving relationship. Haunted by dead GF. Love island living, but most at home in Jazz bars. I volunteer with the blind and young kids. I freak out on occasion, but I’ll always come around for a girl in newspaper-print one-piece bathing suits. Was once hurt by a milk man, so you might consider me lactose intolerant. Interested parties may reply to tormentedbylove@corman.net
SW Associate Angel of Death looking for lady to spend time with. Prefer redheads, willingness to dress like someone from the 1800s a plus. My job is sending people to the next world but in my spare time i enjoy chasing teenagers and going to Summerfest.
Susan and Sampo, you may really be on to something. Having tried match.com without success, I’ve got to say nearly all of the suggestions to this thread sound more promising than what’s out there in my little part of the world. Satellite News, please let us know if an industrial Mistie out there actually sets up MSTdating–for some of us, it may be our only hope!
Tall, handsome, intellectual, confident heterosexual male seeks hot chick that I can betray my friends to, so we can both rule the world together. I like cleavage, assertive women, and global power that can be achieved with no effort. I dislike friends that make me feel inferior (but that never happens), being betrayed by those I’ve committed treason with, and poetic justice in general. Let me be your King and I’ll be your bitch. Contact MSTdating# Cabotpatchkid412
Re#46 If I was still single I’d be all over this. But I think you might want an industrious Mistie to set it up instead of an industrial one, unless you want Trent Reznor or Bela Legosi’s robot helper on the job.
With all the ideas on this thread… if you can’t decide which MSTie character you want to formulate your life around, you don’t deserve a hot date.
It’s my birthday, and I won an essay contest, and I have lots of friends, and my mom never drinks, and my dad is a 50 ft. tall giant who crushes his enemies at a whim. I’m looking for a sweet young lady I can give a pair of shoes to while I tell her how great my life is. I like blondes, 2nd chances, 3rd and 4th chances, and understanding uncle types willing to trade a gun for a burger. I dislike absurdly well paying furtive jobs that turn out to be criminal, nice bosses who turn out to be organized criminals who are dating my girlfriend, as well as I.Q. and lie detector tests. Please inquire at MSTdating# Gullibleandstupid427