Short: (1959) Union Pacific scare film aiming to teach drivers to pay better attention at railroad crossings.
Movie: (1950) Government agents use the incredible power of radar to track down some crooks dealing in black market atomic “material.”
First shown: 12/18/93
Opening: Mike performs Crow’s maintenance checkup, but has no idea what he’s doing
Invention exchange/Intro: Mike has an escape plan, The Mads have created Hypno-helio-static-stasis
Host segment 1: Trooper Tom presents: “Why Don’t They Look?”
Host segment 2: The bots simulate Mike’s 10-year high school reunion
Host segment 3: Driven mad by the movie, Mike and Crow build the Quinn Martin Nature Preserve
End: The Mads are beaten by Ecstato-euphoro-fun (with patented Hinder 90)
Stinger: Hysterical maid
(191 votes, average: 4.18 out of 5)
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• Very good short, very dull movie. This one is reminiscent of episode 319- WAR OF THE COLOSSAL BEAST, where the short tail wags the movie dog, as it were. As the Brains note, the gray, dull, men in gray or black suits and gray or black hats are almost indistinguishable (except for Sid Melton), and for long stretches the movie just lays there. (Each side even has a guy with a mustache!) The Brains try their best — in fact they do a pretty good job, and there are some great riffs — but this is a middling episode at best.
• This episode is included in Shout’s Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection Vol. XXXII.
• More differentiation between Joel and Mike in the opening, as Mike attempts something Joel did easily, and fails miserably. Crow is hilarious. “Help me!”
• I like how Gypsy just kind of nibbles on Crow to fix him.
• Crow’s sensible slacks make a re-appearance.
• The Poopie tape has a very funny outtake of the Hypno Helio Static Stasis sketch: The entire wall behind Frank falls over and Frank and Trace just go with it.
• It’s in this episode that the invention exchange kind of fades away and becomes a general intro. Hypno-helio-static-stasis is sort of an invention, but nobody calls it that. And Mike is just busy trying to escape.
• Crow still has panties on his head when he enters the theater after the opening. Mike quickly removes them. (I like the way Trace improvs a spitting noise when one gets caught in his beak.)
• The short is one of the show’s finest hours. They showed this one at the Museum of TV and Film event in Los Angeles, on a big screen, and the audience was just roaring with laughter. It was, I think the only time I saw people literally, not figuratively, falling out of their theater seats with laughter. It really reminded me how much more fun watching the show is with a group.
• Segment 1 is one of those great short-followup sketches. It’s too bad that BBI never thought to release a tape of shorts that also included their follow-up sketches.
• As of this episode Best Brains was STILL under the mistaken impression that Sam Newfield directed “Jungle Goddess,” something they also said in “I Accuse My Parents.” I wonder if there was some error in the edition of Maltin’s movie guide that they were using.
• Then-current references: the now-defunct Nashville Network and long-forgotten series “Powers That Be.”
• Callbacks: Dr. F references “Rock climbing” (Lost Continent) and “Deep hurting” (Hercules Against the Moon Men) and Frank refers to “Fire Maidens.” “Send up some gas juice! You know, laugh water!” (The Beatniks), “No waffles!”, Servo sings a little of “Are You Happy in Your Work” (I Accuse My Parents), “But there was no monster” (Monster A-Go-Go).
• Non-spaghetti ball bumpers: pan to blackboard as something that looks like a catcher’s mitt flies by; pan down to the notebook; pan to beaker.
• Mike mentions “The Nagely capers” during a shot of highway. Anybody know what that is? I asked Mike on Twitter. He doesn’t remember.
• In addition to all the similar-looking men, Crow seems to have trouble keeping the two women in the plot straight. When they finally appear in the same scene, he is dumbfounded.
• Ward E has a list of all the things they call that radar ball thingy on top of the car.
• Cast and crew roundup: I will not go through the Lippert litany again. Producer Barney A. Sarecky was associate producer for “The Corpse Vanishes” and production supervisor for “Undersea Kingdom.” Sam Newfield also directed “Lost Continent,” “Mad Monster” and “I Accuse My Parents” but NOT “Jungle Goddess,” as noted above. Special effects guy Ray Mercer also worked on “Lost Continent,” “I Accuse My Parents,” “The Sinister Urge” and “The Beast of Yucca Flats.” Art director Fred Preble also worked on “Mad Monster.” Set designer Harry Reif also worked on “I Accuse My Parents,” “Women of the Prehistoric Planet” and “The She-Creature” and was assistant director on “Gunslinger.” In front of the camera, Sid Melton was also in “Lost Continent.” Ralph Byrd WAS actually in “Jungle Goddess.” Robert Kent was also in “The Phantom Creeps.” Pierre Watkin was also in “Beginning of the End.” Tristram Coffin was also in “The Corpse Vanishes,” “The Crawling Hand” and “The Brute Man.” Tom Neal was also in “The Brute Man.”
• CreditsWatch: Host segments directed by Kevin Murphy. Charles A. Zimmermann joins the staff as editor. He will continue through the rest of the season and for the first 10 episodes of season six.
• Fave riff from the short: “I’m the impish officer of death.” Honorable mention: “…spilled my youth like cheap gin…anyway!”
• Fave riff from the movie: “It’s not the radar, it’s size of the amplitude, if you know what I mean!” Honorable mention: “Not in a strictly Cartesian sense…”
HOUSEKEEPING NOTE:
As we do every time we get to this point, we will skip the next episode, 521- SANTA CLAUS, and save it for the holiday season. Next week we will move on to 522- TEENAGE CRIME WAVE.
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Remember kids, have fun with your lint trap. Just be careful you don’t put your eye out.
“Can you identify this bucket of your brother.”
One of my all time favorite riffs.
One of the better shorts, but the movie is just so dull.
This is one of those “sleeper” episodes, that I can easily put on and fall asleep to. The movie is just so dull.
I have a hard time telling which are the good guys, and which are the bad guys, as the guys correctly point out. The actors just look so samey, and wearing the same outfits that I just can’t tell which is which.
And no mention of Sid Melton? You know, Little Monkey Boy?
The follow-up segments are frequently brilliant. I second your wish that the Shorts tapes had included them. The Cheating segment(s) is among my favorites, but the top honor goes to the Phone Song after “Once Upon a Honeymoon”. Oh, and Frank exclaiming “He’s a Wizard!!” after Mike demonstrates the rubberband snap from “Are You Ready for Marriage?”. I could keep going, obviously.
Click on my name for full review!
Man, what is the deal with AWESOME shorts being coupled with just okay movies?
Is Trooper Hal in another MST3K movie? I’m sorry I can’t be more specific, but I think he’s standing around talking to a bunch of kids and one of them gets in his face. Hal slugs him. Is that him?
Oh, and back to the movie, Radar Secret Service is one of those movies that’s just dull, and not bad enough. When you’ve got Special Effects by Billy and Midget Batch to work with, there’s more room for comedy. It’s hard to make endless scenes of people talking nonsense funny. I think that’s why Hamlet is often at the bottom of people’s lists. It’s also why I have a hard time making it to the part with the carpet-dogs in Killer Shrews. We first have to suffer through hours of poorly-recorded dialogue that probably doesn’t make sense even if I could make out what they’re saying.
IIRC, this was one of the first episodes where the movie seemed to go on and on and on and on….and on and on…and on……. to the point it WAS deep hurting, but the short, OMG, reminded me of my driver’s ed class where the teenagers are tuning out the condescending figure of authority and then what, BAM!, no more teenager. WHY DON’T THEY LOOK!.
Seriously though, this short ranks up there with OUAH and the etherial bread guy.
This is one of my favorite episodes; I didn’t think the riffing on the feature missed a beat.
Best riff (from short) : “I could say goodbye from here.” “GOODBYE!!! Oh.”
Best riff (from feature) : “Buy… more… radar.”
Also: “Radar knows what you want to order.”
And finally: “War is good!”
Let’s see, I’ve watched the short countless times, but the movie only once, so most of my comments will deal with the short:
* First saw the short (and most times thereafter) on the VHS Shorts Vol. 2 with a good friend and my brother. This was voted our favorite.
* I noticed that the Shorts Vol. 2 version cuts out a few seconds prior to the commercial that’s kept in the movie. When Alan learns of Bambridge’s death his mother consoles him for a moment.
* I once got a great laugh from where I least expected. At the part where Servo growls as the camera focuses on an “RR” sign, my dog started barking at the TV.
* Maybe it’s because Alan is panicking or because he’s a new driver, but why doesn’t he just stop his truck when the train’s coming?
* Favorite riff: “Why don’t they look, Ralph? Tell me, why don’t they look?” – “You’re deep, Ernie.”
* As for the movie, it seems my mind has repressed it completely as I can only remember the running gag of RADAR(!) as the new religion and a couple of other parts.
* Favorite riff: “They’ll never be caught… alive.” – “Mwahahaha- hey, don’t cut away so fast!”
I actually enjoy this episode all the way through. Yes, the movie is dulldulldull, but they keep me laughing somehow.
Pencil Mustache Crow is one of my favorite Crows…
“Cartesian,” huh? Looks like somebody took an Intro to Philosophy course . . .
;-)~
This movie was originally intended for season 2 but they couldn’t get the rights to it in time.
Definitely one of the best shorts, with great horrified screams from Servo (when the cop shows the accident photo) and Mike (during the host segment). I think my favorite riff was this, when they’re showing the road signs:
TROOPER OF DEATH: Signs of life.
CROW: “All Nude Girls”.
SERVO: “Whites Only”.
As for the movie, I guess it’s OK. Average, but not outstanding. I love the way they try to promote radar as capable of doing everything but change the oil in your car. My favorite movie riff:
MIKE: Give yourselves to radar. Give yourselves freely.
Oh, and I saw that a recent DVD box set of “Forgotten Noir” includes “Radar Secret Service”. Since when is this movie film noir?
The actor playing Tooper Hal is William Boyett.
He was a regular supporting player on Dragnet 1967 and Adam-12 (and also Highway Patrol, but that’s only for the really old MSTies…). And yes, he was the judge in “Newsies.”
(IMDB doesn’t list him in “Violent Years” – they list Glenn Corbett as “Barney,” but not the “Stranded in Space” Glenn Corbett.)
>Oh, and I saw that a recent DVD box set of “Forgotten Noir” includes “Radar Secret Service”. Since when is this movie film noir?
This is why noir is such a great genre for film owners – no one knows what it is! Is Sunset Blvd. film noir? Uh, maybe. Is Basic Instinct film noir? It was about crime, right? Sounds like noir. How about the Matrix? Yeah, it looked real purty, must be noir…
Okay, I got it. I think Trooper Hal was also in “Violent Years” as Detective Bernie. Anbody second? (My wife tells me he’s also the judge in Newsies, but I have not first-hand experience.)
Okay, I posted my comment about William Boyett at 10:14 local time, but it shows up as Eastern Daylight Time? (Or Atlantic Standard Time?)
Meanwhile, the comment I’m responding to is clocked as occurring nearly three hours after my response?
Is Larry Buchanan in charge of the clocks?
Anyway, about the experiment:
I happen to enjoy the movie as well as the short. I find the boringness of the movie a feature, and not a bug. I’d like to point out a line that Mr. Radar says about U-238, “It’s a highly potential ingredient …” Wha?
So many great lines in this episode.
•Tom singing “Jump Into The Fire” while Crow does his Ray Liotta impression as Tom Neal spots the helicopter. “I had to go pick up my brother at the hospital, drop off the guns at Karen’s house, and then back to stir the sauce!” “I had to sell the guns so I could get enough money to buy the coke, so I brought them back to Karen’s house, but her mother had to go get a …”
•Tom Neal looking over the gang in the barn, and his eyes stop on Sid Melton. Mike, “Hey. Sid Melton!”
•After some talky scene with the mob lady, Crow, “They did this scene on Don Adams Screen Test!”
•Every time a character mentions Marge, someone replies “She’s large!”
Tom Neal, “That was Marge.”
Crow, “She’s large!”
Finally, “The Quinn Martin Nature Preserve” is one of my all-time favorite segments. The humor is mostly referential, and I would (probably wrongly) guess that it was written by the same person who wrote the Charlie McCarthy Era sketch for 205 – Rocket Attack U.S.A. “Pat Hingle?! Nits?!”
Invader Pet- I loved Frank’s comments in the ACEG. The funny thing was once they finally got the rights to use the movie, the Brains had lost all enthusiasm for it.
The Poopie reel blooper is just priceless. Though Sampo mentions Frank’s reaction, I loved how Trace casually sits there while the wall comes down.
One bit I loved from the opening segment was Gypsy’s discovery that Mike had used her bra in his escape attempt. Its just the way Jim delivers the line and the fact that well, she doesn’t need one.
I echo many comments. Definitely there were great segments to go with the shorts. I’d include ‘Catching Ross’, the Mr. B Natural debate and ‘Appreciating Gypsy’ as some of my favorites.
The short I enjoy a lot. It’s among the longer of their shorts but there are great moments there. Now to the movie. Passable but not by much. Host segments are good. The ‘why don’t they look?’ as I said stands out.
Cubby #14 – Thanks. I was probably too busy finding “Violent Years” that I missed your post #14. I wouldn’t’ve been surprised if it was the same guy, though. Unless he uses pseudonymns…
Who is Merrit Stone!!!!!!
Good episode due to the short. Not so great due to the movie. Although it did leave me craving some Golden Grahams cereal.
How do they cram all that graham? Radar, of course.
Radar Secret Service is a lesser episode, but isn’t as bad as they made it out to be in the Amazing Colossal Episode Guide. I see why they hated it though. When you stop shouting “Thanks to Radar!” after ever line, there isn’t much left to make jokes about. Especially considering that the movie says that itself most of the time.
Favorite riff (from Last Clear Chance, naturally): “Trains are blameless, holy creatures.”
Actually I almost forgot that this is one of those rare episodes where they went back to Deep 13 after the short so that the Mads could introduce the main feature. The Mads do seem to make more appearances during the Mike years (a lot of the Joel episodes I recall simply had them show up at the beginning and end of each episode).
Loved the short. Didn’t love the movie, but the riffing was good. There were quite a few lines that I found funny. The movie itself was a mess. As pointed out, every guy looked alike. Didn’t know who was on what side. Radar is the be-all and end-all of the universe.
(I want that little heliocopter aeroplane for my private transport, that was cute).
Some favorite lines (some were mentioned already).
From the short:
“The world made sense an hour ago!” Mike
“Forty percent of all accidents are caused by women’s hinders.” Crow
“Would you please PLEASE leave.” Mike (as kid getting creeped out by officer of death).
And the aforementioned, “Trains are blameless, holy creatures.” Mike
From the movie:
“Can radar save our stifling marriage?” Mike
“Unfortunately, with radar, we can now get the Nashville Network.” (reference mentioned by Sampo) Crow
“Work your evil magic, radar thingee.” Crow
When one of the characters mentions free eats, Crow says, “Aim high, Ted.”
“What page do our lines begin on?” Crow
The aforementioned, “It’s not the radar, it’s the size of the amplitude, if you know what I mean.” Crow again (he has alot of my fave lines).
“Thanks to radar, the scene promply ends.” Crow
“The director’s mistress, ladies and gentlemen, the director’s mistress.” Mike
Crow, in his “industry” voice: “In the future, you will drive to work and play in huge loaves of hollowed out bread – miracle Teflon brewer’s yeast makes it possible.”
“Oh, good, let’s watch the scene from a different angle.” Mike
“Is this what they mean by fall colors – gray?” Servo
“Welcome to Action Valley Ranch.” Crow
“It’s the triple dog dare double cross!” Servo (I believe a reference to “A Christmas Story”).
And – all together – “We all have the right to remain silent!”
• Tom Servo mentions “The Nagely capers” during a shot of highway. Anybody know what that is?
This is a big guess:
As this is mentioned during the trip to the day-po, I wonder if they aren’t referring to Naegele’s Rule – which is the method to determine pregnancy due dates?
26. Cubby. Yeah I was thinking the same thing… since the film is taking a long time to… gestate… as it were.
I’ve listened to the clip a half dozen times ( oh and Sampo : I think it’s Mike that says it )and dumped a lot of alternate spellings into the search engines and I haven’t come across anything. There’s an obscure Swiss music guy, a semi-outlaw Swiss gaffiti artist, a botanist. Tried Naglich, Nagly etc.
Given that there is some kind of horse activity on one of the billbaords in the background, I was thinking even of the Nagele K Purse. The Nagele Caperers ? But no soap.
negligence + capers = negli-capers ?
Hey, I;m still looking for that
“All Nude Girls” sign.
WHERE IS IT!
this is one those episode that i have only seen once…..the film is painfully dull…i need to rewatch it and focus on the riffs and try to not let the movie put me to sleep…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
The movie is supremely boring, but all the radar worship makes me laugh like crazy.
I’m in agreement with the general consensus here: great short, dull movie. Of course, even a bad episode of MST3K is pretty entertaining.
As for the short, William Boyett (Trooper Hal) is just one of those guys who looks like a cop. That’s why he worked so often in cop roles. (I remember him as the sergeant form Adam-12.) I don’t know if he was in Cop Rock, but he should have been.
(Imagine Trooper Hal in silver pumps and a feathered boa belting out a couple of showtunes!)
I always crack up at the “All Nude Girls!” “Whites Only!” riff.
The host segment follwoing the short is among the best they ever did. (“Why don’t they look?”)
As for the movie, the one thing I remember clearly is the use of radar as a panacea. Radar will change your life: it can do your taxes, improve your love life, shine your shoes, make panckaes, etc.
This is an average episode for me ( and I usually love the B&W’s ). I guess I’ll give it 3/5 ( there, just gave it 3 ). The short is almost TOO dark, but the image of Mike impaling himself in the eye with a sammich makes it all better.
One gripe. I do not find any the hypno-stasis type bits at all funny. I don’t even understand what about them is even supposed to be funny ( This includes Deep Hurting, Rock Climbing, Sandstorm, Euphora-fun etc ).
I mean c’mon people, the movies in MST are bad, but movies in general are not very good either ( sorry, channeling Pauline Kael for a moment ).
The internal conceit ( and yes it’s just a show, I should really just take a Quaalude ) that somehow these movies are bad enough to be TORCHA is unreasonable, and anything that tries to amp that up seems extremely forced and unnatural. The movies are bad and we want them to be bad, so what’s to complain about.
The CineTits, FiCre & RiTra get closer to a sustainable set-up: Riffing for riffing’s sake. That, in and of itself, what they are doing is ( at least in theory ) funny, period. But maybe this idea was to po-mo at the time for MySciThe.
Why don’t they look?
It’s been YEARS, but I still get a chuckle out of this, and use it sometimes in real life when relevant.
My favorite riff from the short comes near the end where Trooper Hal goes off on a rant, brother. CROW: “Oh my god, he’s snapped!” Trace’s delivery gets my laughing every time.
Re:I’m not a medium, I’m a petite.
Of course it’s ridiculous to think that these movies are themselves so torturous as to be able to break the human spirit. And it’s even more absurd to think that just because you had a sufficiently awful movie you could use that to somehow take over the world.
It wouldn’t be a mad scheme to take over the world if it could work, would it? It would just be a scheme to take over the world. Playing up the absurdity of the Deep Hurting is part of the fun.
re 36, JoNeb. yes I know, and I feel terrible about just not getting it, but I don’t. I love the show and have for decades, but this one aspect of it just doesn’t ring true ( for me ).
sigh.
With regard to Hypno-Helio Static Stasis:
Frank as a bearded German scientist is funny on its own….JA! JA! Sturm und Drang!
One of my favorites from the movie is the character Blackie and Mike saying “It’s not Blackie, it’s African-Americanie!” The gang could get pretty un-PC at times, and I love it.
Remember a couple weeks ago when all of the Chicago area people were waxing on about how nice it was to see shots of Chicago in BEGINNING OF THE END? Well, LAST CLEAR CHANCE holds a little of that magic for me, because, yes, I once lived in Meridian, Idaho (it’s a suburb of Boise). Seeing the old Zamzow’s feed store building on my small screen was definitly an unexpected bonus for me.
As for the feature – you got me. I seem to’ve blanked this one out completely…
Hmmm…opinion looks divided on this one.
I happen to think it’s a great one. I didn’t feel that way the first time through, feeling, as many do here, that after such a “classic” short the films dreary rural and boxed in faux noir weighs too heavily on the Brains to create great comedy. Radar jokes, one after the other. Then I watched it again with an open mind and felt completly different. The radar jokes weren’t really as numerous as I remembered, and what came across to me was a subtlety in a lot of the riffs aimed at the interplay of the “gray men.” There’s some brilliant stuff here borne, I believe, of desperation in the writing room. This must have been a hard one to write. The gray palette, the ennui–it’s like watching a funeral marching band pound its way through the rainy gray Sunday afternoon streets of some dead end run down small town in the Balkans. But they take the ball (or the tuba if you will)and run with it. The dullness sometimes really makes them work to brilliant effect (as in Starfighters) and it doesn’t feel labored at all here as it often does with Corman films.
Yeah, I like this one a lot.
A-
The short on this one is great (the darker the short, the better). The movie was dull, but I just love the fact that the makers of “Radar Secret Service” had no idea how radar actually worked.
I want my Din Din! :mad:
Thought it was a really good ep. My favorite riff was already mentioned by AV #39. A close runner up though was Mike’s observation “Wow, Vintage cars were really popular back then.” I don’t know why but that makes me crack up.
John M. Hanna #42: Well Hollywood still displays utter cluelessness in matters scientific to this day. Witness turds like Alien: Resurrection (cloning) and Day After Tomorrow (meteorology).
Personally, I had my reservations about the movie until crow chimes in with the Sanford & Son theme when our gray-clad heroes return to the “mob”s posh apartment hideout. I almost did a spit take and it bought back the entire episode for me :roll:
Also, the “why don’t they look” bit is just classic
Gotta say I’m very glad I’m not the only one who’s been vexed by ‘the Nagely capers’ ever since this episode first ran. NEVER understood it. (Mike says it rather than Tom, though.)
First, thank you Cubby for identifying that song they spoof from “Goodfellas”. I’ve been trying to find out the title and who sang it for years!
Watching this again recently, it was actually funnier than I remembered. Before, I would categorize it as either a “background” or “sleeping tablet” episode, but it actually has some good riffing and a killer short. While the content of the movie itself is as painful as watching “The View”, M&TB do well with what they have to work with.
So which of the railroad-influenced shorts – LAST CLEAR CHANCE and DAYS OF OUR YEARS – is darker? Mine is on the former, although the minister in the latter is rather spooky.
One more thing: the movie affirms my puzzlement as to how Sid Melton got anywhere in show business. (Granted, he didn’t get that far, but still…)
Rotten as British Teeth, #49, for my money, Days of Our Years is a little darker, if only because EVERY action taken brings disaster. Or as Mike puts it, “So the leading causes of accidents are joy, sex and old age?” (And what the hell was up with that old guy daring to have a heart attack on the job?)