It’s County Fair time all over the nation. Batter-dipped bacon time, for many. But it also means rides. Specifically, theme rides.
So, if you could base a ride on an episode, what would it be?The “The-Incredibly-Strange-Creatures-Who-Stopped-Living-And-Became-Mixed-Up-Zombies Rollercoaster” is an obvious choice, but what about the “Wanda Saknussemm Fall to the Center of the Earth!” or, of course, “Torgo’s Shake Shack.”
How about: the Radar Secret Service ride, which you just drive straight and level for a while, then stop.
What’s your idea?
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The Wild Whirl of Batwoman! Err, the Red Zone Cuba? The Screaming Skull!
Not sure this is one I can wrap my head around…
Torgo Sky High Thigh Ride
I’d like the theme ride to the past or future a la Time Chasers.
Go back to 1776 and see tubby white guys fight the British.
Go to the future and see dystopic gangs rumble in the (concrete) jungle.
Or stock up on 1980s maple syrup. I hear they’re giving it away in Vermont.
Journey to Xeox Mountain
You ride on a very slow, late model truck with Zap and Troy in a less-than-thrilling ride that breaks down, pursued by Satoris and his minions.
The Final Justice Shooting Alley
You must try to get revenge on foreign gangster balloons while trying to shoot them wearing a fat suit and cowboy hat. You will be periodically taken to the world’s most disgusting strip bar and saloon in your game. 6 shots for a quarter.
The Rowsdower-Approved Journey to the Beer on the Sun Ride. But you can only go once, because this is your Final Final Sacrifice.
The merry-go-round from Prince of Space — raise your hand if you want to go faster!
Riding with Death fun ride- turn invisible to get the bad guys, pump Buffalo, and ride up on your partner’s mud flaps.
Not much of a ride, really, but I’m seeing this game where you poke your head through a hole in the table and take control of this monster. Then you use it to chase around a volunteer. Kinda like a dunking booth. It’s still in the planning stage.
The Boggy Creek II River Bottom Ride immediately comes to mind, complete with animatronic sasquatch peeking out from the flora and fauna, and Crenshaw making an appearance starting brush fahrs at the end.
The Gamera, Godzilla, and big bug movies all lend themselves to rollercoasters.
MANY of these movies lend themselves to dreary, not-that-scary “ghost house” rides….I can see Rondo Hatton, Torgo, the various wahrwolves, hobgoblins, the thing from the closet in Brain That Wouldn’t Die, Dr. Z, Jack Elam, Batman from It Walks By Night, the Moonbeast, etc., leaning out lamely to “scare” you.
Space Mutiny bumpercars! The very slow Mitchell Car Chase!
Prince Of Space and Invasion Of The Neptune Men lend themselves to flying rides-either an octopus type, just stationary space ships on arms, or a bullet-type ride.
Oh, and Fugitive Alien gets one of those centrifuge rides so everyone can experience g-force. Awesome topic, I’m sure I’ll post more later.
The Gunslinger shooting range (are they criminals? who cares!) and pony rides!
Jack Frost’s Wild Winter Safari Sleigh Ride. Ride on Jack’s sleigh through the Dutch Elm Forest and see Schnauzer Bandits, Hunchback Fairies, teleporting Mushroom Men and, of course, bears! Some even walk upright and speak! Oh, to accommodate days with long lines the ride will run longer and Nastenka will have the Sun delay its setting till all that show up have been on the ride. Of course the rest of the world will be thrown into chaos each time she stops the Sun!
Girl In Gold Boots Tilt-A-Whirl
And while you’re checking out all the cool rides, don’t forget to have some Lon Chaney Jr. Electric Cotton Candy.
@ #4: Don’t forget that after you’ve fired your six, you get locked up in a jail cell.
The Incredible Melting MmmmmmONARAIL!!! Weeeeeeeeeeeee……eeeeeewwwwwwWWWWWwwww!!!!!
The Jet Jaguar Theme Song in 3,462 different languages Ride O Hell!
The Hall of Sandy Frank..now in amazing 3D!! You’ll swear he’s slinging that turd right at ya!
The Hobgoblins Studio Back Lot Tour. With Universal Studios having discontinued theirs, it’s an open market.
The Star Force challenge: you are bathed in red light and blasted in the face with a powerful fan.
The Gila Monster Experience: ride the roller-coaster with a jar of nitro in your lap. Will you survive or blow up the county?
Ride the “Labors of Hercules” where you lay on a couch and… glide off to sleep.
The Black Scorpion cave ride. Complete with giant scorpions, worms, other insects and annoying kids. Drop down into a 1000 foot cavern, experience various bugs eat each other and attack the ride. Go up into the plains of Mexico and witness the scorpions attack a train wreck, complete with screaming passengers (served up with lots of slime).
The Operation Double 007 Cracker Jack boat ride. Ride with the sexiest crew on the seven seas, as they try to take over the ship from Beta’s evil henchmen.
Hercules and Sinbad would both work for one of those big-boats-that-do-a-360 rides.
As far as games go, you can throw darts at half-inflated (so they’re hard to pop) Coleman Francis balloons to win a broken cigarette.
The Phanton Planet Honey Bunches of Death Shrink-a-Coaster!
Going on such a ride makes me think……
“You know, Captain, every year of my life, I become more and more convinced that the wisest and the best is to focus our attention on the good and the beautiful, if we just take the time to look at it.”
digital_trucker-Girl In Gold Boots and Hellcats would both be great tilt-a-whirls, providing their soundtracks blared at an unacceptable level.
Rocket X-M Challenge: you are required to calculate the trajectory of your spaceship. If your computations are correct you get to exit the ride safe and sound, if they aren’t…
Ride “Mighty Jack” the roller-coaster that only makes fast left-bank turns!
Or ride “The Super Dragon” where you are put in a coffin and dunked in a swimming pool in front of a matte painting of Holland. Will you escape? … Do you have life insurance?
Between rides be sure to visit our theme restaurants: the Daddy-O Diner–where every meal has at least 50g of sugar,
Dong’sThong’s Fresh Fish Fillets, and the Creeping Terror Endless Buffet. For a quick snack try the Giant Leech Shack–you’ll love their blood pudding, blood sausage, and blood pie!Adults: take a break and enjoy a drink at the Moon Zero-Two saloon while the kids are busy wearing holes in the seats of their pants on “The Sidehacker”.
Quest of the Delta Knights zip line. “I’m comiiiiing”.
Rocketship X-M. Go off the rails to an unintended destination, then burn up and crash!
The Killer Shrew – It doesn’t go anywhere.
Or maybe the Hunchback Fairy’s tilt-a-whirl voice-controlled house. Different groups of fairgoers could compete: “Face me!” “Face the woods!” “Face me!” “Face the woods!” Extra points given for stylish leg kicks.
And of course there’s the Bloodlust lazer tag pavilion, followed by the butterfly exhibit, where you get to personally select the butterflies that turn up in the mouths of Bob’s victims.
After the rides check out the Gunslinger Shootin’ Gallery and the Mitchell concession stand for some big buttery treats!
The Megawepon adventure! Navigate the apostolic land missing the rouges off punks. Use you weapons to Go to kill to paper chase guy and the annoying bike. I mean who would want drive in Megawepon! It be like the batman ride but less cheesy.
The Mitchell Land Yacht Cruise, sponsored by Schlitz, ambles through the streets of and hills above Los Angeles in vehicles the size of a house. As you merge successfully to the strains of mid- tempo soft rock, the pace car finally arrives, leading you on a brief, fender-bending, and ultimately unfulfilling chase that comes to an abrupt end. As you exit the ride, be sure to traverse the golf course, dodging bullets and Mitchell’s legions of fans.
If you’re hungry (and what self-respecting Joe Don Baker isn’t?), stop by the adjoining Cummins House Restaurant for some peas, pies, butter, cold soup (that they frequently run out of), and of course, Schlitz. Be sure to tip your server, even if they are a lousy butler!
The Tunnel of Manos/Love. When you exit you’ll be wearing a sheer white night gown. Women and little girls only.
Thrill as you ride a helicopter over Yucca Flats
randomly shooting at anyone below (hey, they might be criminals).
This could be because I’m currently watching Future War but I say Future War. It’s a ride where small dinosaurs are held close to your face.
The catch bits of food from Mitchell’s mouth challenge.
Win actual bottles of sweat from Joe Don Baker!
I agree with #8 about the Space Mutiny ride: “Be prepared for the ride of your life as we reach speeds of three.”
The “Eegah” dune buggy ride – it’ll make you say “Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!”
The “Alien FRom L.A.” drop to the middle of the Earth (or Australia..)guaranteed to make you lose your glasses…
The “S.F. International Joy Ride” when you get to share a thrilling ariel ride with a runaway kid….
You also had the Ator Hangliding 3D tour…
The Torbelone ride through the Bronx…
“the First Space Ship on Venus” ride as yout take a bumper car ride around mud/lava/chocolate pudding….
the Starfighters ride. basically a meery go round where kids ride around in 60’s era USAF jets then occasionally a drunk carney drops by and refuels them.
How about:
Trumpy’s Magic Things Ride: Clothes on hangers swirl around you while wall-mounted “Simons” flash complex patterns and “Sledgehammer” plays on an infinite loop. Not recommended for people under the influence of LSD.
The Hercules Sand Storm Adventure: You don’t see a lot with this one, but the ride lasts 20 minutes.
Tor Johnson’s House of Tor-rors: You get chased around a replica of Yucca Flats by a big bald guy who yells “Time for go to bed.”
And be sure to pick up some honey at the Deadly Beez Honey Shack. They also sell dog treats…
Mitchell Bumper Cars! Hit as hard as you want, they magically repair themselves!
I guess it goes without saying that this park has a Denubrian Slime Devil lot.
Lemmankinan’s Log Ride! Fun, until it fails.
Ride the Rocket Ship X-M, if you dare! You might not end up where you thought you were going, and sometimes landing is an issue. You’ll probably have to sign a waiver first.
Ride of the Monster: wrestle an arthritic octopus in a kiddie pool.
Ride “The Viking Women”–I mean experience the log flume ride with a terrifying sea serpent! Note: only one male passenger per log and he is required to hide under a pile of smelly blankets.
Weight Guessing Booth: Godzilla, Tor, and Mr. Chillas (Daddy-O). Guess wrong and you’ll have to give them a back massage… with butter.
Visit the Kissing Booth. Who will it be this time boys? Leech Woman or the Woman from the Year 5000!?
Don’t like rides but like to gad about? Then visit the Mr. B Natural
DancePrance Hall. Tights, pastel outfits, and marching band provided free of charge.For those men wishing to sort out their differences over a woman, try the “Wildcats” motorcycle pull- EMTs on hand for the losers and Trojan representatives for the winners.
The “Eegah” dune buggy tour: roar around a desert landscape while the cabbage-patch Elvis actor repeatedly intones “My tires are filled with water!” and “Watch out for snakes!”, and the neatly figured female actor goes “Weee! Weeee!” Get stuck for a few minutes against a dune, then thrill to the climax as a basketball team dressed as cavemen throw large pieces of stone at you (with no actual chance of hitting you).
For those seeking exercise and a challenge, try the “Soultaker Runabout”: You and your companion run through a life size hospital replica for thirty minutes! Follow the clues and collect five green rings, and you win a ride in our beautiful, fully restored ’57 Chevy! Get caught and kissed by one the Johnny Cash impersonators, and you get thrown off the tenth floor onto our fully padded hospital lawn- safety guaranteed or your money back!
Maybe have more later- keep ’em coming, folks!
Rock climbing.
The Why Don’t They Look? thrill ride….kinda self explanatory.
Here Comes The Circus and Circus On Ice just kinda provide the background nightmare theme for this dark carnival we’re designing.
Jimmy Wilson could have a booth of his own where he doesn’t guess your weight, but instead you try to guess when he’s lying (hint:always).
No MST3k County Fair would be complete without a livestock exhibition featuring Old-Timer Billy Slater’s Fiddle-Accompanied Buckin’ Bronco Rodeo Challenge (Texas style, of course)
Oh this one’s easy: The Beginning of the End Autopia. The car stays in the same place while raucous trumpet fanfares play and the same backdrop scrolls by over and over again. Insert the occasional giant grasshopper.
Become the Amazing Colossal Man! Thrill as you suffer exposure to a nuclear blast, go bald, experience growing pains, and wax philosophical (“What sin could a man commit in a single lifetime…”) while wearing a diaper. You will then bungee-jump into the Colorado River (after narrowly escaping being chased around by a helicopter being flown by a crack team of amateurs trying to stab you with a GIGANTIC SYRINGE). Will you live to declare war on humanity for your sad, pitiful fate? Play and find out!
#14: So the Jet Jaguar theme simply replaces “It’s A Small World After All”?
A Daddy-O or Teenage Strangler-themed drag race would be a blast.
The Overdrawn at the Memory Bank holograph simulation. Become a baboon, while your identity is lost and the fruit is ripe. It may take awhile for the experience to end, but be thankful you aren’t a filthy, disgusting anteater.
The Commando Cody Car Chase Simulator: practice jumping out of a car before it blows up or crashes into something.
The Max Keller Experience: evade local thugs while driving a Chevy van. Then ride a motorcycle, walk a tightrope, and run a mile while uttering incoherent sentences. If you’re lucky you just might win a young Demi Moore. Failure results in you being thrown through a glass window and having to share a hotel room with a mysterious old guy.
The Phantom Creeper: you win a prize (dance belt) if you can walk through dense underbrush without shaking the bushes.
Step right up folks and shoot crickets off a giant postcard with a water pistol! Win a Peter Graves doll for the little lady. Pull the string and it will say: “I’m Peter Graves” or “Man is a feeling creature…”
Feeling hungry? then stop by your nearest concession stand and try the new gravy-flavored cotton candy. Food services provided by the local Joe Don Bakery.
Check out the Riding with Death thrill ride! Everyone rides downhill in a tractor-trailer with no brakes!!! Plus, you must wear a Jim Stafford mask with no eyeholes! Afterwards, enjoy a batter-dipped Torgo flaming hand!!
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Alfred The Butler’s Hush-Hush ‘Little Soiree’
As your tram starts from above ground, you slowly navigate “down and down” toward the earth’s core, enthusiastically narrated to by the Gesture Professor with John Agar’s background droning accompanying the entire ride. Thrilling avalanches, rock slides, sacrifices to Ishtar and sudden projections of a panicked “Load”, busy-bee “Mole People” and the ever-inquisitive “Lieutenant Crown Roast” greet you during your journey until you are finally met, ministered to then banished by the foppish MC himself.
Hmmm…
There’s the Last Chase Thrill Ride, where you drive a snazzy racing car while avoiding cannon fire from a vintage Sabre jet and blasts from a laser gun.
And maybe the SST Death Flight Experience. You’ll swear you’re really crashing in an airplane filled with TV-movie actors. The flu symptoms cost extra.
But don’t try the Monster-A-Go-Go Ride. You pay a hugh admission charge, then are ushered into an empty room where you hear a PA announcement: “There is no ride. Have a nice day.”