Bit: The Final Sacrifice: The Series
Episode: 910- The Final Sacrifice
[In the theater]
(The end credits start rolling)
Crow: Hey Mike,
you know I didn't think this movie was as bad as the usual
fare.
Mike: You're
joking, I hope.
Crow: No, no, no,
no. Admittedly it had some flaws. Just a little overzealous
persuing some of its ideas, granted, but... but I think it
was more of a problem of form. A movie is just not the right
medium for this material. It... it needs TV. It needs to be
a series.
Mike: Hmm... I
don't know.
Crow: Just...
just... just let me pitch this to you.
Mike (suddenly
taking on the personality of a TV executive): Uh,
okay, I'm listening. Go!
Crow: Great,
great. Thanks for hearing me out. Okay, the, uh, "The Final
Sacrafice: The Series."
Mike: The name
goes.
Crow: What?
Mike: Never liked
the name. The name goes. It's banal.
Crow: But... but
if you're hoping to connect the series with the movie...
Mike: I mean...We
need something like, oh, "Night Mistress."
Crow
(Considering it...)
: "Night Mistress"...
Mike: Yeah, or
"Cluchey and the Lieutenant." You know, something that's
gonna seduce people, really connect with them. We'll work on
that.
Crow: Okay, okay.
So... so you've got Rowsdower and he roams through Canada
and he's got his little pal Troy and they all get into all
kinds of scrapes but they help people...
Mike:
Alabama!
Crow: What?
Mike: Alabama,
Chicago...Cleveland! No, I like Alabama. You like Alabama?
It's your show.
Crow: Well, well
to me, Canada is the essence of...
Mike: Pittsburgh!
We'll do it in Pittsburgh.
Crow: Well...
well I suppose if you actually film it Pittsburgh...
Mike: No, no, no,
no. We film it in Canada. Have to. (Beep) Hold on. Yeah
Judy. Okay, thanks. (Back to Crow) You got two minutes.
Guttenberg's people are coming in.
Crow: Yeah...What
do you mean Guttenberg's people are coming in?
Mike: What I mean
is you just lost a minute. Go!
Crow: Whoa!
Sorry, sorry. So, us, the lead character is Rowsdower, of
course...
Mike: The lead
character is the kid! Sparky McHoolahan or whatever the hell
his name was. You like that name? I never liked that
name.
Crow: But that's
not his name. I mean...
Mike: But I like
all that funny beer stuff you get with that Rowsdower guy,
him being a hopeless drunk and all that. He's loveable. You
know he falls down, he's sick a lot, but he's loveable. And
the kid? The kid works in a brewery.
Crow: Actually I
had an hour-long drama in mind.
Mike: What are
you, one of those Dennis Franz freaks? Huh?
Crow: Now wait a
minute. I think that...
Mike: Wait, wait,
wait, yeah, give me a second here. I'm going somewhere...
I'm there, I'm there. This Rowsdower guy... full frontal,
you know...
Crow: Whoa!
Mike: ... A
couple times a season, tasteful, low lights, just a
hint...
Tom: Wow!
(Beep.)
Mike: Hold on.
Yes Judy. I know. (Back to Crow) You got 30 seconds.
Crow: Okay, well
this... this main character, um, Sparky...
Mike: As a
friend, a girl. Hell, he's a girl, too. There are a lot of
girls. They're all roommates. There's a goofy girl, a
serious girl, a cheerleader, the loose girl, everybody in
the damn series is a damn girl.
Crow: Yeah, but
Rowsdower...
Mike: A big,
hairy girl. (Beep.) Yes Judy! (Back to Crow) I'll tell you
what. I got a show idea for you. You get out of my office
till you give me something I can use.
Crow: Whoa!
Mike: Now I gotta
go meet Guttenberg's people.
Crow: Gee whiz!
(Mike and Crow leave. Tom keeps singing and bouncing around
even though the music has since stopped. He eventually
realizes he is alone.)
Tom: Huh? Hey,
where's the music? You guys? (The End is shown on the screen
and Tom struggles to get out of the theater) The End! Ow,
ow.
(cut)
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