Bit: The Tom Star ShowEpisode: 609- The SkydiversTranscribed by Robert Hutchinson[SOL] (Mike and Crow are in front of the desk, facing the door) Mike (over his shoulder to Cambot): Hi, everyone. Mike Nelson here, on the Satellite of Love, with my buddy Crow. You're just in time to see Tom Servo's planetarium show! Crow: What luck! (Tom, painted black with white spots on his dome, rises slowly from behind the desk, singing the opening notes of "2001: A Space Odyssey") Tom: ... daaaaa ... BA-DAAAAAA!!! Welcome, space travelers, to the Tom Star Show! Let's all hop on board the Galaxy shuttle, and take a trip through our nation's solar system! We'll be traveling at about the speed of light--yes, well over 500 miles an hour! So, ha ha, fasten your seat belts ... first stop, the planet Mars! Crow: Take me to ... Uranus! Tom: Uh, uh, Mars, the brightest star in our galaxy-- Crow: Hey, let's probe ... Uranus! Tom (irritated): Patience, space traveler! We'll visit ALL the planets-- Crow: What, are you ashamed of ... Uranus? Tom: Crow! Geez ... I'm trying to do a show here ...(Mike whispers to Crow) Crow: Uh, excuse me. I have some questions about ... Uranus! Tom: Let's save our questions for the appropriate question-and-answer-- Crow: Uh, Uranus is big and gassy, isn't it? (Mike and Crow laugh) Tom: Shut up! But ours is not the only planetary system-- Crow: Servo? We have to get to Uranus, and wipe out the Klingons! Tom: Shut up! Just shut up! Just shut ... geez! (Tom runs off; Mike and Crow continue to laugh) Mike: We'll be right back! Crow: Haha ... heh ... where'd he go? [break] (Mike, Crow, and Tom stand behind the desk. Tom is his normal color.) Tom: ...then he just wouldn't let up! I mean, how many jokes about YOUR-unus can a guy make before they just aren't funny? Mike: Hey, I know! Those kind of jokes are never funny! (Mike takes a sip of soda) Crow: You know, Servo, I've seen satellite pictures of ...Uranus! (Tom storms off; Mike's soda comes out of his nose while laughing) Ooh ... a noser! (cut) |