Bit: Monster Body Parts
Episode: 424- Manos: The Hands of Fate
[SOL]
Joel: Real lame monster in this movie today, huh?
Crow: Yeah! Wow.
Typical. What monster?
Joel: You
know...Torgo! Real lame monster?
Crow: Torgo's a
monster? What do you think, Tom?
Tom: Well, um,
think that, uh, sure, yeah. Seems to me that, yeah. Uh,
exaggerated physical attribute, in this case the *knees*,
used to induce, um, terror. Yeah, I guess he's a monster,
yeah.
Crow: Oh, now I
*really* hate this movie! How long did that decision take
the director, a tenth of a second?
Joel: Yeah...
Crow
(as director): "Big
knees? Good! Let's go with it!"
Joel: Yeah,
you're right, I mean there's got to be a ton of other
exaggerated "physical attributes" that would be a whole lot
scarier. Like, if I wanted to scare people, (holds out
forearms) I'd have really huge forearms.
Tom: Well, ya
kinda do. But what I'd do, see, get this, I'd have one big
droopy pinky, and I'd drag it behind me. (Laughs evilly.
Joel and Crow react in horror to this. J&TBs react
throughout with horror and disgust and shudders and little
exclamations.)
Crow: What if you
had one buttcheek that was way bigger than the other one?
Couldn't stand it, huh?
Tom: My head: a
canker, a big giant canker. Nothin' but.
Joel: I'd have
one, really big flared nostril, and inside would be lots of
red matted hair.
Crow: I'd have an
ear that would cover me like a shroud, and a thumb the size
of a juggling pin!
Joel: Yah!
Crow: ...but not
on my hand.
Tom: Nipples.
Many sizes, many shapes. Some on my back!
Crow: A tongue
the size of a sleeping bag, and my fingers would fold the
other way. Think about it.
Joel: On my face,
everything normal except--no nose.
Crow:
Nothing?
Joel: Nope, not
even holes. Think how disturbing that would be, ahh!
Tom: My
intenstines on top of my head, where I'd have to keep them
greasy.
Crow: I'd remove
my skin, restitch it, and wear it as a cardigan.
Tom: Ahem, I
would have a dewlap! (Shudders and shakes his head back and
forth, half-gobbling like a turkey. Everyone is really
grossed out.)
Crow: Monster. I
just don't see how you can call Torgo a monster.
Joel: But he is!
He-e *is* a monster!
Crow: No he
isn't!
Joel: He's a
monster. (Starts tapping Crow on the shoulder.) He is a
mon-ster, and that is why his...
Crow: Nu-uh,
haha, cut it out, hehe, cut it out, hehehe... (Movie
sign)
Joel: Ah, no, we
got movie sign!
(Crow laughs through the beginning of the door sequence and
into the theater.)
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