Bit: TOM SERVO'S DEAD!
Episode: 318- STAR FORCE--FUGITIVE ALIEN II
Transcribed by DAVEYFILM@aol.com
(Joel emerges from the theater carrying Tom, who's head has apparently exploded. The ship is on red alert. Crow follows.)
Joel (yelling) : TOM SERVO! OH MY GOD! TOM SERVO'S DEAD! (Joel lays Tom down. Tom motionless.) He's dying! It must've been that movie! Oh man! We're losing him!
Crow (as William Shatner): A robot watches a bad film. It renders him unconscious. Next--on-- "Emergency 9-1-1." (JOEL punches CROW in the chin.)
Joel (yelling): Crow, ya gotta snap outta Shatner and help me! It means the life of our friend, Tom Servo! (starts crying)
Crow: (still doing Shatner) But I must finish Tek-Wars of Venusia...must direct Star Trek 9: The Search For Spock's Intelligence! (Breaking character.) Hooker's a good cop! Whoa! He's a good--(JOEL punches CROW in the chin again.)
Joel (yelling): Crow, you listen to me and you listen good! I need ya to snap out of Shatner! I need you here now! Our friend's life hangs in the balance ... (CROW starts sobbing pathetically.)
Crow (crying): I'm sorry Joel, I didn't know--
Joel (hugging CROW): I know, man, I know ... but we gotta get our little buddy out of the bone orchard, okay? Listen, I need you to run along, get the defibulator, and I'm gonna try to get our brother Tommy out of the badlands-
Crow: Okay, alright-- (CROW wanders off looking for the defibulator)
Joel (to Tom): C'mon, man, c'mon back, we're all pulling for ya, buddy ...
Crow (off-screen): Hey Joel, is the defibulator the thing that looks like the vacuum cleaner or the thing that looks like the
Joel (yelling to Crow, impatiently): It's the thing that looks like the battery charger! Now, would you get it together, man, and get out here, it means Tom Servo's life! (to Tom) I am Buddy! (Crow arrives with the defibulator.)
Joel (to Tom): Okay, hold on, buddy, it's coming! (Grabs the two probes from the defibulator. Come on home, Tom! Come on back, buddy! CLEAR!
Crow: Clear, clear ... (Joel applies the probes to Tom's chest. Zap. He listens for a heartbeat.)
Joel: Nothing! CLEAR!
Crow: Clear, clear ... (Joel zaps him again. He listens for a heartbeat.)
Joel: He's coming back! He's coming back! (TOM starts coughing and shaking.)
Crow: Come on, Tommy!
Tom: (as Harey Carey) Sean Duncan up to the plate now ... beautiful day here at Wrigley Field, boy, lemme tell ya! Perfect for an ice cold Budweiser! And you know, Lincoln Carpeting ... (Tom shakes his head.) Joel! Crow! What the heck happened to me?
Joel: It's okay, buddy, you're among the living now.
Tom: Whoa! That was weird. I was walking down a long hallway and at the end of it, there was a bright light and a kind man with a beard reaching his hand out to me, beckoning me, and he looked at me as I got closer and he said..."Hey Buddy, can ya spare some change, I want a cup of coffee!!" Ha-ha!! (Tom starts laughing; Joel and Crow are disgusted.)
Joel: Oh, everything's a joke to you, that's great. We got commercial sign. (Joel slaps the table.)
Crow (annoyed): We shoulda let you die.
Tom: Ah, life!