Bit: To Riff or Not to Riff
Episode: 1009- Hamlet
[The Theater]
(During the movie, Hamlet begins to tramp
his way through the most famous speech in
literature.)
Hamlet: To be or
not to be...
Mike: The
literary equivalent of "da da da DUM!" (Beethoven's 5th)
Hamlet: That is
the question.
Crow: I'll take
"To Be" for fifty, Alex.
Hamlet: Whether
'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of
outrageous fortune...
Tom: Starring
Shelly Long and Bette Midler.
Hamlet: Or to
take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing, end
them.
Mike: "Ow, my
shin's right on the edge of a stair.."
Hamlet: To die...
To sleep...
Crow: That's what
we're doing right now, bub.
Hamlet: No more.
And by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand
natural shocks that flesh is heir to.
Mike: Okay, we
need a predicate now.
Hamlet: 'Tis a
consummation devoutly to be wished.
Crow: Especially
with Ophelia, man!
Hamlet: To die...
To sleep...
Tom: To
SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
Crow: Whoa!
That's an old chestnut.
Hamlet:
[Whispering] To sleep...
Tom: [Whispering]
To sleeeeep!
Hamlet: Perchance
to DREAM!
Crow: The
impossible DREAM!
Hamlet: Ay!
There's the rub!
Mike: I knew I
had some rub left.
Hamlet: For in
that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have
shuffled off this mortal coil. There's the respect that
makes calamity of such long life. For who would bear the
whips and scorns of time, the oppressor's wrongs, the proud
man's contumely...(Mike begins nodding head along with the
list)...The pangs of despised love, the law's delay... The
insolence of office and the spurns that patient merit of the
unworthy takes, when he himself his quietus make with a bare
bodkin?
Crow: He said
bare bodkin! (Mike and Tom giggle.)
Hamlet: Who would
fardels bear-
Mike:
Fardels.
Hamlet: to grunt
and sweat under a weary life, but that the dread of
something after death, The undiscovered country from whose
bourn no traveller returns, puzzles the will and makes us
rather bear those ills we have than fly to others-
Tom: SUM UP!
Hamlet: that we
know not of? thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
and thus the native hue of resolution is sicklied o'er with
the pale cast of thought, and enterprises of great pith and
moment with this regard their currents turn awry, and lose
the name of... action.
Mike: So--"I'm a
chicken for not stabbing myself," that's all you needed to
say!
.
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