Bit: Robbing the Diner
Episode: 507-I Accuse My Parents
[SOL]
(The movie has ended, Joel enters holding
a letter.)
Joel: Okay, as we
move into the home stretch, I though it would be nice to
read a letter, so... (Crow and Tom run on from both sides,
holding guns pointed at Joel.) Uh, hi Tom, hi Crow, just
getting ready to read a letter.
Tom: Oh, no thank
you, that's okay, all we'd like is just a cup of coffee!
(Servo makes a coughing sound, which sounds alot like
*hamburgers!*)
Joel (doesn't
seem to understand) :I'll just get
going on this letter then...
Crow:
*Hamburgers!* No thanks, uh, no, we're (Nods at Tom) not
hungry!
Joel
(realises): Oh, I get it!
It's like in the movie: (Speaks like the chef in the movie)
'How would you boys like a hamburger?', like that?
Crow: Finally,
what took you so long? (To Servo) What a maroon! (To Joel)
Now?
Joel: Now
what?
Tom: No, no, no!
You stupid, stupid man!!! Now you present us with a big,
beefy, char-broiled hamburger sandwich, and a french-fried
potatoes garnish like in the movie!!! Geez!
Joel: Uh, all I
got is this postcard.
Tom: D'oh! Crow,
you talk to him!
Crow
(sighs): You were
supposed to get us a char-broiled hamburger sandwich like in
the movie! (Begins to cry, turns his head away from Joel)
What is happening to this family?!?! (Breaks down into
tears.)
Tom: Come on,
honey, there must be a pie cooling in this ship someplace!
(Servo and Crow walk off screen.)
Joel: Hey, it's
just a movie, guys! (Waits till they've gone, then brings
out two plates, one with a hamburger on, one with
french-fries, he grins.) Anyway, ha! (Eats a french-fry.) I
thought I could read this letter now. (Looks to make sure
Crow and Tom are no-where to be seen.) This, it says: 'For
Rent, the Barco-Rammer' and it's from Peter Spiers and on
the back there (Holds the letter up for Cambot), lets put
that on Still-Store on the back (Cambot zooms in on the
front of the letter, and then shows the back of the letter),
it says 'The Barco-Rammer, indisputably the finest! It will
ram, it will pound, it will press, it will do what you want
it to do' and then he humorously adds 'A perfect date for
Crow and Tom'...which I thought was pretty funny-- (Joel
stops, as Crow, driving a tank with the words 'Anne Blythe'
written on the side in yellow letters, comes on from the
left. Crow points the tank's gun-turret straight at
Joel.)
Crow: I accuse
*you*, Joel! Now...carefully...hand over the hamburger
sandwich!
(Joel places the plate with the hamburger sandwich onto the
tank, a hatch opens up on the tank and Servo pops up.)
Tom: Don't let
him forget the French-fries potatoes garnish! (Joel places
the plate with the French-fries onto the tank near to Servo.
As Patton.) Joel you magnificent bastard, I read your
menu!!! Come on, we gotta beat Monty in Messina, maggot!
(They drive off, leaving Joel stunned, Joel watches them
leave.)
Joel: Uh, (Turns
to Cambot) What do you think, sirs? (We hear the tank crash
into something that sounds like it's made out of
glass.)
[Deep 13]
(Frank and Dr. F. have succeeded in
digging away most of the cake and now have found the exotic
dancer in the centre, who has been trapped. The dancer is
covered in cake, Frank is still shoveling away icing into a
bucket.)
Dr. F: Uh, sorry Joel, didn't catch that! We came this
lose to losing, uh (gestures toward the dancer), losing-
Dancer: Rodney.
Dr.
F: Uh, right, right, almost lost
Rodney.
Frank (points to
the bucket filled with frosting): Is this enough,
Dr. F.?
Dr.
F: Uh, no way, Frank, there's
plenty more frosting left to shovel, and--(Frank looks
annoyed.) Oh, just go push the button, ya freaked out
maniac! (Frank walks off. Dr. F. takes out a dollar bill,
hard to see how much the bill actually is) Uh, look, Rodney,
I'm sorry this thing got out of hand, I'd like to make it
worth your while. (Slips the dollar into Rodney's trousers;
Rodney gets the wrong impression and begins dancing for Dr.
F.) Uh, no, that's alright! You've done enough!
(Cut.)
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