Bit: Dysfunctional Popcorn
Episode: 212- Godzilla Vs. Megalon
(Tom and Crow are dressed wearing
bowties. Tom speaks in a geeky voice and Crow speaks in an
old geezer voice.)
Grandpa, I sure am enjoying this Godzilla movie! And I sure
enjoy being your grandson!
Crow: Ah, keep
talking, Buddy! You know, I certainly have amassed a fortune
wearing dorky big bow ties, weasly glasses and donning big
boy hair styles!
Tom: Yeah, sure,
whatever you say, Gramps. You know, Grandpa, I was looking
through some Italian fashion portfolios and there's some
great new looks out, maybe we can hire a fashion consultant
Crow: Shut up,
you little cretin! It's MY fortune and I'll decide how we
wear our hair!
Tom: But, but
Gramps! What good is having a bazzillion dollar popcorn
empire if no sweet chick will breed with me?
Crow: Listen to
yourself, Buddy! It's part of the proud sweet popcorn creed
to be without the love of a woman! How can we concentrate on
genetically improving the popcorn if we have extremely
abundant members of the weaker sex parading up and down the
rows of our high-yield-super-chief-double-whammy-ganga-ganga
corn? Sweet fruit juices anointing their bodies? Come on,
how would this look?
Tom: Well I still
Crow: Oh, Buddy!
Get a-hold of yourself! We're scientists!
Tom: Well, sorry,
Gramps. Hey can I ask you a question?
Crow: Oh, of
Tom: When will
you be dying, you twisted old ferret?
Crow: Buddy stop
tormenting me! I am your grandfather! We are of the same
blood! We're popcorn!
Tom: I'm sorry
gramps but I can't stop thinking about all that money! I'm
really looking to the day when you shed your spotty
pox-marked furry coil, I shed my geeky image I sign on a
full-time stylist, take dance lessons and disappear into the
night! Ha ha!
gonna disappear into the the night right now if you don't
shut up! Don't think I haven't thought of disowning you! I
relish the thought! Nightly! Nightly! Do you hear me?
Tom: Uhh.. have I
mentioned that our new light has 1/3rd the calories of our
Crow: What do you
care? You can't afford it, you're flat busted!
(choking): That our new
popcorn au gratin has real cheese flavor?
Crow: GOOD! You
should get used to it, you're gonna be eating a lot of
cheese! Government Cheese!
tears): Why do you
always do this? I hate you! I'VE ALWAYS HATED YOU! What
happened to my real father, anyway?
Crow: He's in the
poorhouse where I replaced him just like I'm gonna replace
you if you don't shut up and do what I say! (Tom breaks down
crying.) It's MY will, MY will not yours!! I've got the keys
to the kingdom! I! ME! MY! I'M THE GOD! I'M THE GOD!
(screaming): I HATE YOU!! I
HATE YOU!! (Joel enters, with clipboard, as director.)
Joel: Hey! Cut!
Cut! Can we cut it, again? Listen, remember. This is only a
30-second spot and try to mention the product more, eh? Oh,
we've also got commercial sign.